Too many fucked up ppl in my fucking life to fuck up my already fucked up life.

Today is fuck up.
Is one of those days when u jus wanna scream out loud and cry.
Went for dance but there was no fucking lesson.
Called 2 ppl but they didn;t pick up.
one called back eventually and apparently he was also having a bad day, even though it was his burfdae. talked a while, and it seems tt he jus wans to end the phone call ASAP.
jus good nite and he ended the fucking call.. how fucking rude. i am pissed.
i am pissed wit everything and anything.

I don like to date so many ppl at all..
all i need is one.
but i really have no fucking idea who tt one is, and i have no fucking idea if the one exist.
it sux cause everyone thinks i am this tough and strong bitch who fucks around.
but seriously. its really not who i am and who i wan to be.
all i wan is tt special someone who can make me happy and satisfy me.
maybe i am asking for too much.
maybe i am too desperate.
maybe its jus not time.
i have no fucking idea.

its so true tt when u play hard to get, ppl treasure u more.
and they will wan u more.,
when u truely care and be there for the person, they jus take u for granted, or worse, they jus don feel like having u anymore. how sad.

exams in 4 days time and i am sooo not prepared. i hate it.
i hope i can be in the warrior mode, preparing for war and stuff.. but i jus can't .
tooo many distractions.
There is jus too many fucked up ppl in my fucking life to fuck up my already fucked up life.
Don't u jus luv wat i jus type.. haha. it was random but it was jus too cool.. thus my heading for tis post.
I wonder wat i am lacking..something is jus missing.
I need some help.. maybe counselliong..
haiz.. WTF...
i need to realise my emotions.
HHEEELLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(tis is wat happens when i don get to dance).


301007, TUE, 2132hrs

I WAN HIM FIRED!!!

Today is a i almost got a heart attack day!!
I got back my results for my presentation and the marks which already knew yesterday was not justified today!!
I swear my tutor should go to hell.
there are 2 things tt he said which really made me flipped.

"Its only 2 marks, like half a percent, its not going to make a difference to your grade"

OMG. can u seriously believe a tutor will see tis! how unprofessional. and yes, btw, i am 2 marks away from the next fucking grade!!
the next best thing he said when we asked for feedback.

"I really can't remember ur presentation cause we like heard so many presentations. Maybe we should have talked to u guys straight after the presentation."

WAT THE FUCKK!!!! its not my fucking fault tt u forgot my presentation. MAKE NOITES THEN!! u noe i will come and ask u. halo its ur job to remember even u have a 100 presentations to sit through.
I gave up talking to him after 20 mins cause he jus refuse to budge. and i noe my results will stay the same after 20 hours of pointless arguing.

I am so going to see my lecturer. and i am jus thinking whether should i complain bout tis useless tutor.
he jus brought out the scorpio in me.
FUCK HIM!!


221007, MON, 1943hrs

All I want is jus One.

I feel defeated today.

I have been having loads of fun for the past 2 days but not today.

U noe how much it hurts when u are so bloody happy one day, and then terribly upset the next.

Its like an emotional roller coaster ride tt fucks up ur life.



I got back my results for my presentation today.

18.9 out of 30! wat the FUCK!!

I am so terribly pissed, upset and disappointed!!

i have never done a lousy presentation in my life!~

and lets jus say i am way below the class average of 22 when i noe my class FUCKING SUCK!!

i am so gonna talk to my lecturers tomolo. I jus hope their reasoning is convincing.



Anyway my dad contracted cancer. throat cancer.

nothing surprising for me.

i wasn;t tt sad a few days back when i noe the news, but today it hit my like a rock hit my head,

it kinda of hurt

i am really upset tt my mum , my bro and sis didn;t even wan to tell me.

i jus don noe wat are they thinking.

i haven called him cause apparently he has already lost his voice.

so i don c a point

and i don noe wat to say exactly, cause i don even noe the whole situation.

lets jus conclude tt today is a bad bad day, and u jus wan it to end immediately.



2 days ago, went clubbin and i was happy dancing the nite away.

last nite, went KTV and after tt mahjong.

Onli came home tis morning at 5 am!

think life is tt great, i don think so.

its the calm b4 all the exam stress!

and like wat u have read above, today isn;t tt great after all.



I am dating 4 guys now.

believe it or not.

its not a good thing.

i thought i shoudln;t focus on jus one cause i am always hurt by the one person.

and tts why i chose to date 4 ppl.

jus date.



Guy number one is in another state now. I like him the most cause he makes me happyh when i am wit him. we only spent 2 days together. but the attraction was pretty intense when we were together. its long distance. and probablu not going to work. But i don noe why i am still holding on. cause maybe all i wan is jus tt happinees he brings me when i am wit him. he is a tauras anyway.



Guy number two is someone i have blogged about. the guy who made me really upset, the 1st aussie guy i dated. The scorpio who kinda of play mindgames wit me all the time. I jus don noe why i still wan to date him. its jus tt i am attracted to him. Even after all tt he had done to me. I am stupid, but i jus don wan to think bout it so much. so ya. tts number 2.



Number 3 is a HK guy who has been staying in aussie for a long time. jus went out twice.

not too bad a company, can get a little boring. a libra. and my fren's kinda of like him cause he is easy going. but for me, its more of like a fren to me. not much of a potential partner.

and he has a wide range of DVDs for me to borrow, so i get plenty of entertainment while i am in aussie.



Last and 4 th guy, well not relaly dating. jus went out a couple of times too. the ireland guy who is bisexual. i feel kinda of bad sometimes cause he actually has a partner already. a woman whom he has been with for 10 years. yeah i noe its a long time and i noe i am a slut.

despite the pretty big age gap, we do have quite a lot to talk about. and he is pretty interesting. a tauras too. hmmm..



sometimes i don noe wat i am thinking. but lets jus say despite the attention tt i am getting, i still feel lonely and cold when nite falls.

afterr all, i jus wan ONE tt can stay wit me for the rest of my life.



Haiz, life sux. and talk bout a sucky day, i actually tore my favourite NIke Shorts while i was in dinner jus now.

still wearable but it jus got a little more sexy.



I wan to go sleep early tonite after TV and stuff..

Praying tt tomolo will be a better day.



211007, SUN, 2030hrs.

“You have to sell your look and you gotta be fierce, you gotta be strong and confident and every day, because every day is a challenge.”

well.. today i learned two lessons in life.
its more study related...
jus wanns share it...

the 1st one goes like tt..
i am currently doin tis course, business law now.. and part of the assignment requires us to omplete 6 online quizzes of ten questions every fornight.. the weitage of each quiz is 5%.
today, was the submission for the 5th quiz.. and moi has gotten a perfect score of 20% for the pass 4 quizzes.. well i am quite sure this has cause some unhappiness or jealousy in some of my mates.. cause the fact is, i usually attempt the quiz wit 4 other of my frens..
today was the same, and me boing the best scored so far, gave the others the chance to choose who goes 1st, cause if u r lucky, u may get repeated questions when u r the last few. but experince says tt the quiz jus gets harder after the 1st person...
and so, i was the last to attempt the quiz.. well we took 2 fucking hours to complete the quiz for the 4 ppl in front of me.
and when it was my turn, the quiz i got happen to have 8 repeated questions out of 10.. which means i am already gurantee a 4% mark.
so everyone jus left to pack their stuff and didn't really bother to help me wit the oter 2 questions. hell i was pissed.. and me being not in the right mind, cause i was fucking tired..
had class form 10-2pm.. one hour break, and then class again form 3-4pm.. and we did the quiz form 4-6pm..
when it was my turn it was already bout 6 pm! i swear i am fucking tired and i sure crack my brains out for the 4 ungrateful ppl.. well maybe not all 4..
when i submitted my quiz and it showed me a grade of 4.5% which mean i got one mistake..
one fucked up guy actually said something which totally almost made me lose my cool.
"OH no, the 5 point legend is gone~!"
WAT THE FUCK!! i helped u when it was ur turn to do the quiz, and is this wat i fucking get when its my turn! FUCK YOU!!
i was onli glad tt , one of the guy actully did help me solve the thing, but i didn't wait for his answert cause everyone was packing up already. and i jus hastily guesed the other 2 questions.. well i got one worng, and one right..
On the way home, i was angry wit myself, not anyone else..
i was disapointed because i noe i could have gotten full marks if i took a while longer.. i took less then 5 mins actually.. damn it..
i promise myslef i am going to take all the time in the world for the next and last quiz.. its every man for himself.. FUCK OFF if u r an UNGRATEFUL JERK!!

the 2nd lesson goes like this..
my best sista, cum housemate had a presentation today and she got 95% for it..
i was really happy for her and how i wish i was in her group.
i oso did my 1st presentation on MON tis week and lets jus say i nailed it.
i was so confident and i noe i did more than a good job.. i did great!
but my group was only alright..
well..i don question and doubt my presentation skilld..
i totally am disappointed wit my LEADERSHIP here!!
wat have i learn all these years??
i totally can't be bothered..
i mean if my group were to not perform well last time, i will seirously screw them..
but tt drive in me is gone!
seirously. some of them are terrible and far below standard.. haiz.. and i jus let it be!!
tis is so not me!!
tts why i really need to find my old self back.. and ask for more!!
“You have to sell your look and you gotta be fierce, you gotta be strong and confident and every day, because every day is a challenge.”
I noe i am capable of much more.. and i noe i should push myself to my fullest potential..
i jus need the drive!!
I must constantly remind myself!!!

“You have to sell your look and you gotta be fierce, you gotta be strong and confident and every day, because every day is a challenge.” --Tyra Banks--

Totally luv the quote above.. luv tyra.. luv top model..
i am so youtubbing topmodel cycle 9 noW!!
and i have to do it in school cause the server at home bans youtube!! OMG!!
anwway. tts all for today!!




111007, THU, 2336hrs.

I luv cheap flicks, bimbotic shows and fairytale luv.

I have loads of random stuff to share..
Today was a outing day wit my poly mates...
had dim sum for lunch in the city!!!.
then we went shopping. and i bought a new visor from Adidas!! so happy.. i have the black one acutaully.. so i bought another white one today! yeah..
and i bought a cardigen from FCUK!!
anyway i have been a fan of FCUK.. i mean i like the designs and stuff but i have never own anything from it..
have always had the urge to buy the Tee shirts but ack in SG.. i always rather buy something from Topman.. and since there is no Topman in Aussie, i went to FCUK to shop today!!
yeah. i mean i like the design and stuff.. its quite me..
sleek, chic, cool and clean designs...
and my 2 pals had a hard time trying to look for a pair f shorts for me! haha.. cause i wanted it for my birthday, so i shamelessly asked them to get one for me!! haha.. but we can't find any!!
anyway back to FCUK 1st, the cardigen tt i bought was for 50 aussie cause it was on sale. it was quite a slurge, but i think its a good buy.. so i bought it.. haha.. originally, tt thingy caused 70 aussie...
oh yeah.. and then after shopping, we had bubble tea!! yeah..
and then the 3 of us went to take City Cat to southbanks...
we were really lazy, cause actually we could have walk to southbanks for the movie, but we actually took a city cat, and it was onli one stop.. haha..
but anyway i am happy also cause its my 1st time taking a city cat after being here for almost 3 months.. (for the benifit of ppl who wonder wat is a city cat, its actually a ferry service along the brisbane river.)..
ok.. we watched nanny diaries today and the show was not bad.. i mean i like these shows la.. and last nite on TV, i actually watched "how to lose a guy in 10 days". haha..
i swear cheap flicks, bimbotic shows and fairytale luv is my guilty indulgence,,
okk.. but then.. the journey back is totally terrile and killing..
one hour of train ride and 30mins of walk.. well.. U really must have ur MP3 when u r travelling, or i will die of boredom.. and oso, its good if u have something to read on the train...

anyway, i still have loads of things to say, but i am kinda of tired already...
I wan to go back to the old me where my dream of becoming a top model takes over me and i work out like crazy!!
so tomolo, i am so going to go jogging in the morning., haha.. gotta force myself. cause i wan to show tt i have lost weight when i get back to SG.. hee...
wish me luck in my transformation to be a more attractive SunSHine!!
I noe i already am.. haha.. but its never enough.. i am a perfectionist..



0053hrs, 071007, SUN