Back in Aussie, and i am tired of unpacking stuff!!

hi all..
not all but jus a couple of ppl..

a little lazy these days.
and yes i am back in aussie.. the boring ipswich home..

school starting tomolo, and gues wat, 3rd day her, and i haven finish unpacking my stuff.
terrible i noe..

ok.. lets recap on these few days..
THU nite was the nite i flew off from the fabulous T3, thanx to all the tax money tt we Singaporeans pay..
flight was alright, had company tis time. so it was pretty good, flying alone can get pretty crappy..

upon arrival, due to the relax pace of the aussies, and the arrival of 3 flights at the same time, i was stuck at the customs for more than an hour! FUCKING HELL! i had to stand and carry so much stuf for like more than an hour.. the queue was jus teribly long.. u wouldn't believe, but looking on the brighter side of things, since there were so many ppl, i didn't get my luggage checked at all.. yeah, not tt i have somehting to hide (except some porn), the whole proces of oopening ur luggage is jus tiring, frustrating and embarressing.. don ask me why, but tts wat i feel..

and when i finally got out of the customs, a frenly face greated me..
the guy who also sent me off 3 months ago..
i thought he must be pissed wit all tt waiting, but apprently, he was really hapy to see me, yeah, so no prob..
ride back to ipswich was jus terribly torturing. long, hot and tiring.. i kinda of feel tt i got limited vocab..
and i realised i have problem communicating wit him now! must be all tt mandarin and singlish i used for the pass 3 months.. to think bout it, i seriously hardly speak proper english. haiz..
and he did notice it too, so i kinda of felt terrible for my lousy command of language..

alright, after dropping my luggage, he drove me to the mall, where i banked in the money (this has to be done 1stso do accumulate max interest.. thanx to FM), then had lunch, which i had some kebab.. and then groceries shopping which kinda of tortured him, cause i totally don noe wat to buy, and i don noe wat to cook, and i am simply too tired to work my brain when noon came (i didn't slept during the whole freaking flight..)

back home, chatted wit some of the new housemates..
ok this is the 1st impression tt i got..

the guy who shares the toilet wit me is called Miles..
he was originally from china, but did his high school in germany, and now in aussie for his college..
speaks fluent english, mandarin and canotonese. no german though..
alright looking, not tt Hot, and is a gemini (MINUS POINTS).
and yes, he seems really straight, so tts boring..

the 1st gal i met is a chinese, but born in australia, and speaks wit the very typical aussie accent, which is really hard to catch, so talking to her makes me puke blood at times.
she is ur typical ah lian wit black hair and red highlights.
listens to hard core rock music and can get emo..
luvs the fact tt she uses the word fuck as often as me, and she an be fierce too (straight forward la).. so we are a little alike, but she has much more of the bo chap attitude.. thanx to australia.

And then u have the gal who have been here for already 2 years, and this her 3rd. already knew her last sem, and notjhing much..
a leo who is really fake.. i think..
don wan to talk bout her..

oh then u have the next new gal from singapore.
pretty .. yes.. slim.. yes.. use to dance, a little bitchy.. i mean i kinda of like her, but then everybody likes her cause every guys jus stick to her..
then after a while, u start to feel the slut vibe from her..
but overall, she is still friendly and nice la..

oh then the last gal jus moved in today..
the blur kind of gal and she use to be from Hong Kong..
lived here for more than 3 years, and did her high school here, but her english stil qutie terrible.. haha.. don ask me why.. but she seems nice too..
jus a little shy ( LIKE ME!! haha)..

ok tts about it from my current housemates....

oh and since 1st day was tiring, packing was minimal.. and on the 2nd day, i already met up wit some frens.. i jus feel popular. haha..
well this fren, is actualluy known through someone i use to date here..
then he is realy frenly and insist i go out wit him to meet new ppl, and yes they are all gay..
i am quite reluctant at 1st, cause i am not tt kind who enjoys an all gay outing.. i luv to have mixture of straight and gay guys.. plus some gals..
all gays are jus too boring and bitchy too handle..

well, there was one whom i find nice to chat wit, but not partner quality.
originally from malaysia, but did his degree in perth, and now in UQ too doin his masters in hotel management.. so nowu noe why we click la.
he totally adores my singlish and we jus have more to talk about.. but not a really hot guy..

and then there was a whole lot of other guys from i don noe where, and i don really care.. the cutest guy i felt was a young boi, doin his 1st year in uni too, originally from taiwan, but speaks great english cause he seems to be here in aussie for ages.. and yes i can't stand tt aussie slang from him too..
i can't really remember everyone's name, cause there were like 10 new ppl i am meeting, and some of them are jus not memorable.. but t cute guy is called shawn i think.
some parts of the conversation goes like tis..

shawn: so where are u from?
Me: Singapore.
shawn: oh.. but ur english is really good.
Me: (hangs for a while, and decided to tell him we are schooled in english).. ehhhh.. tts because..
shawn: oh yeah, u guys use english as ur 1st language right?
me: yeah tts right..
shawn: ya ya.. i knew tt.. yup.. (feels a little awkard)..
louis: (kept quiet, cause i don noe wat to say either..)

and then something worse happen.. but this guy i jus can't remember his name..

guy: oh so u r from singapore.. isn't tt the place where they dig up graves to build new houses?
me: (HANGS BIG TIME!! so i tried to act blur) sorry wat did u say??
the other guys: don say tt, its really mean...
guy: but tts true..
the other guys: jus don repeat tt
me: (felt tt i should stand up for my country) i think i heard wat u say jus now, and its true.
EVERYONE: OH MY GOD!!!!
me: so where did u hear tt from?
guy: i read. ( in a fucking bitchy tone, plus eye rolling)
me: oh really ( in a bitchy and i don care tone too)
the other guys: wher did u read that from?
guy: well , jus some magazines..
the other guys : (jokingly) thought u go online to check out wats happening in singapore eveyday. (Laughs at him)

serriously.. how shallow, and bitchy can a group of gay guys be..
i am not straight after all, but serously, this dinner gathering to noe ppl is like awkard speed dating, and i so don enjoy it.
plus i noe i am the hottest among them yesterday, and so many of them ogling at me la!!
i m ot shameless, but serously, the quality yesterday was jus terrible.. too many gals, not gay guys..

my fren is pretty hot too, and when i met his BF for the 1st time yesterday, i was so disapponited, i thought he could have got better.. and they were together for like 6 fucking years!

alright. tts all for now.. cause i am going for diner already..
hi and bye from aussie..


240208, SUN, 1823hrs

I am trying to be Happy. Its a process, and it takes time.

i have almost forgotten about tis blog..

no not really..
maybe life has been pretty good, tt there are no complains..
and when life is good, i jus hope it last forever..

well.. so wats so good..
i oso don noe exactly..

i am trying to learn to be at peace wit myself.
expect less and learn more.

remember ther movie guy tt i date all the time, cause of all the free tickets i get..
i think i seroiusly treat him like a fren now..
had a hugh fight again over our differences..
guess i was trying too hard to change him, or to help him improve..
had a talk wit another fren over tis issue and she said this tt woke me up..
"Only help those that wants to be helped"
it jus made absoulte sense..
i was jus trying to hard to help him improve, and the problem is, he jus wans to be himself.
and he jus refuses to improve..
and saying tt i am using the wrong approach is jus an excuse for him.
in fact deep down, his heart jus refuse to feel and think about wat i said.
haiz. depressed, but i guess it makes more sense in our frenship now.
jus a companion for shows and stuff..
not going to have anything in depth wit this dude..

well, i should trail back to the better stuff..
chinese new year was pretty good too!
had the most red packets this year.. in terms of dollars collected..
not hugh, but the most in the past 23 yers i guess..
and got to meet up wit ppl i hardly see..
yeah, but i did get sick again this new year..
i jus happen to be sick all the time.
must be all the food la..

oh ya..
talking bout wat makes me happy.
tt will of course be love..
not one but two in fact..

this guy, i met him while swimming..
i often get cruised, i don noe why cause they can obviously se how fat i am..
maybe i jus have tt slutty face, but watever it is, this guy is really a gem.
hmmm, he has one of the best body i have seen.. serously, 10o packs..
so damn bloody well defined.. and not too short, 174 i think..
well but he is a virgo, so a bit boring..
he works as an air force officer, and is totally discreet wit his identity..
but he is a real sweetie at heart, and i noe he cares a lot about me.
things tt are hard to describe..
30 this year, but due to extensive exposure to sun, he looks older then his age..
well, i must say a pretty decent guy..
but everyone has their flaws, and as much as u try to accept it, u noe it is there and it bothers u.
for example, its his language.. bad command of language and sometimes commnunicating wit him can get quite hard..
diffeernce in maturity level, i am childish, i noe. can't help it..
GREAT difference in personality.. well, but we can still get a long la.. so far so good..
well tts bout it for him..

the 2nd guy., noe him for a shorter period of time..
and guess wat, we met at eastpoint, simei..
haha.. saw him on the bus one nite, but didn't get to talk to him, cause my mum was wit me, but we gave each other the look, and he actually smile at me when he alighted the bus, so i noe..
then guess wat! the next day i saw him again..
apparently, tts because he worksat eastpoint too! haha..
and i am there often for dance, so the timing was jus right..
and the 2nd time round, i jus went up to talk to him (i noe i am shameless, but seriously, i think its fate, so better not let chance pass by again).
he is working as a assistant pet groomer and he oso looks older then his age..
he is onli 18!!! OMG.. can't believe it.. i eel so damn bloody old.
he jus completed secondary school last year, and is not planning to study anymore, jus wan to work..
but basically he is jus a child and he hasn;t seen the cruelty of the society..
i am treating him more like a brother now, cause i see myself scolding him, and helping him and guiding him all the time.
he is crazily in luv wit me, i don noe why.
a totaly discreet guy too, cause he is bisexual and never had a BF..
kinda of ah beng guy who smokes al the time, and he is very bothered by me asking him to quit..
i mean its for his own good anyway..
well, a little bit of miscommunication too, difference in maturity level i guess, its him who is the child this time round..

yeah.. well wat ever it is, these 2 guys have made leaving for australia a litle harder then the previous time, when i left without sheding a tear.
not tt frens and family don make me feel sad, but i noe they will support me more then wanting me to stay..
but for them its different i guess..
life is a totally jerk..
u don get wat u wan, when u ask for it..
when i am so busy wit work, and don ask for it tt much, they jus come around..
well, lerning to be at peace, i try not to ask for too much, and expect anymore.

i didn't wan them to wait for me, cause i think its jus fucking selfish and cruel..
but i have frens who tell me, i jus don noe how to treasure ppl when they come by for me..
well, i really don noe where is the line of treasuring someone i luv, and if i am torturing them.
i guess its jus the differnt way ppl look at things..

I am learning to be happy and contented wit life.
learning to be happy and live in my blessing..
learning to be happy and treasure wat i have..
learning to be happy, and hope to spread the joy one day..

Hectic preparation for return to aussie shall began tomolo..


170208, SUN, 0055hrs.

Lost Focus. Haiz.

I lost focus.
Got a little moody and depressed these few days. maybe its the work, maybe its its the upcoming festive season, maybe its my weight, maybe its the fact tt i wan to see some ppl, but yet i don have the courage to.

well.. answer to tt is all of the above, but its especially true for the last one.

mesaged 2 of the guys tt i use to date back in SG>.

haven contacted them for ages, but suddenly felt like doin so, cause the many deaths tt are around me jus gave me a kicked in the ass (reminded me of the pain if i don get to see them again), and thus, as much as i have been hurt a lot by them in the past, i noe i still wan to c them, and yes, i contacted them..

after 2 months since i am back here, they too wondered why onli now did i contact them..
and of course, i was too ashame to tell them honestly, i don have the guts to.
but wat have been done, has been done.
lets see how it goes, maybe after all, we still don get to meet, cause i am counting down 19days b4 i am back in the land of brisbane again.

guess wat.. the ghost from brisbane contacted me again..
or rather i contacted him too. its was mutual..
he sent me a msg on facebook when i said i was sick..
didn't really say anything cause i was really too sick to reply then..

after i recovrered, decided to chat wit him again on MSN, and yes..
he is so goin gto pick me up form the airport when i am back..
I am praying very very hard he don cancel out on me, cause the reason why i return to SG earlier in NOV last year, was actually him..
he bloody hell canceled on me..
but watever, as u can c, the stupid me haven learn my lesson, and is yet taking another hugh risk at contacting him, and putting myself in danger of getting hurt again..

someone jus slap me silly..
well.. have a few problems wit my upcoming courses, but honestly, i am so not in the mood to settle it, shall do it when the time comes.. i noe i am last minute.. but really, i am jus not in the mood to make the right decisions now anyway..

miss the company of great frens, and talk about life.. and our future..
they often re assure me of who i truely am, and the dreams we all have, tt are yet to be realised.
they put me back on track most of the time..
but well,... guess work and fuck up life in SG has made me lose focus again.

going to head to sentosa for my LONG LONG LONG GONE DESPERATION to hit the beach..
damn it, tts how hectic life is in SG...
everyone jus pray it doesn't rain pls..

Wants to be focus and happy.
like the real scorpio in me.
(Rhymes eh....)


030208, SUN, 0321hrs.