Lost Focus. Haiz.

I lost focus.
Got a little moody and depressed these few days. maybe its the work, maybe its its the upcoming festive season, maybe its my weight, maybe its the fact tt i wan to see some ppl, but yet i don have the courage to.

well.. answer to tt is all of the above, but its especially true for the last one.

mesaged 2 of the guys tt i use to date back in SG>.

haven contacted them for ages, but suddenly felt like doin so, cause the many deaths tt are around me jus gave me a kicked in the ass (reminded me of the pain if i don get to see them again), and thus, as much as i have been hurt a lot by them in the past, i noe i still wan to c them, and yes, i contacted them..

after 2 months since i am back here, they too wondered why onli now did i contact them..
and of course, i was too ashame to tell them honestly, i don have the guts to.
but wat have been done, has been done.
lets see how it goes, maybe after all, we still don get to meet, cause i am counting down 19days b4 i am back in the land of brisbane again.

guess wat.. the ghost from brisbane contacted me again..
or rather i contacted him too. its was mutual..
he sent me a msg on facebook when i said i was sick..
didn't really say anything cause i was really too sick to reply then..

after i recovrered, decided to chat wit him again on MSN, and yes..
he is so goin gto pick me up form the airport when i am back..
I am praying very very hard he don cancel out on me, cause the reason why i return to SG earlier in NOV last year, was actually him..
he bloody hell canceled on me..
but watever, as u can c, the stupid me haven learn my lesson, and is yet taking another hugh risk at contacting him, and putting myself in danger of getting hurt again..

someone jus slap me silly..
well.. have a few problems wit my upcoming courses, but honestly, i am so not in the mood to settle it, shall do it when the time comes.. i noe i am last minute.. but really, i am jus not in the mood to make the right decisions now anyway..

miss the company of great frens, and talk about life.. and our future..
they often re assure me of who i truely am, and the dreams we all have, tt are yet to be realised.
they put me back on track most of the time..
but well,... guess work and fuck up life in SG has made me lose focus again.

going to head to sentosa for my LONG LONG LONG GONE DESPERATION to hit the beach..
damn it, tts how hectic life is in SG...
everyone jus pray it doesn't rain pls..

Wants to be focus and happy.
like the real scorpio in me.
(Rhymes eh....)


030208, SUN, 0321hrs.