I am trying to be Happy. Its a process, and it takes time.

i have almost forgotten about tis blog..

no not really..
maybe life has been pretty good, tt there are no complains..
and when life is good, i jus hope it last forever..

well.. so wats so good..
i oso don noe exactly..

i am trying to learn to be at peace wit myself.
expect less and learn more.

remember ther movie guy tt i date all the time, cause of all the free tickets i get..
i think i seroiusly treat him like a fren now..
had a hugh fight again over our differences..
guess i was trying too hard to change him, or to help him improve..
had a talk wit another fren over tis issue and she said this tt woke me up..
"Only help those that wants to be helped"
it jus made absoulte sense..
i was jus trying to hard to help him improve, and the problem is, he jus wans to be himself.
and he jus refuses to improve..
and saying tt i am using the wrong approach is jus an excuse for him.
in fact deep down, his heart jus refuse to feel and think about wat i said.
haiz. depressed, but i guess it makes more sense in our frenship now.
jus a companion for shows and stuff..
not going to have anything in depth wit this dude..

well, i should trail back to the better stuff..
chinese new year was pretty good too!
had the most red packets this year.. in terms of dollars collected..
not hugh, but the most in the past 23 yers i guess..
and got to meet up wit ppl i hardly see..
yeah, but i did get sick again this new year..
i jus happen to be sick all the time.
must be all the food la..

oh ya..
talking bout wat makes me happy.
tt will of course be love..
not one but two in fact..

this guy, i met him while swimming..
i often get cruised, i don noe why cause they can obviously se how fat i am..
maybe i jus have tt slutty face, but watever it is, this guy is really a gem.
hmmm, he has one of the best body i have seen.. serously, 10o packs..
so damn bloody well defined.. and not too short, 174 i think..
well but he is a virgo, so a bit boring..
he works as an air force officer, and is totally discreet wit his identity..
but he is a real sweetie at heart, and i noe he cares a lot about me.
things tt are hard to describe..
30 this year, but due to extensive exposure to sun, he looks older then his age..
well, i must say a pretty decent guy..
but everyone has their flaws, and as much as u try to accept it, u noe it is there and it bothers u.
for example, its his language.. bad command of language and sometimes commnunicating wit him can get quite hard..
diffeernce in maturity level, i am childish, i noe. can't help it..
GREAT difference in personality.. well, but we can still get a long la.. so far so good..
well tts bout it for him..

the 2nd guy., noe him for a shorter period of time..
and guess wat, we met at eastpoint, simei..
haha.. saw him on the bus one nite, but didn't get to talk to him, cause my mum was wit me, but we gave each other the look, and he actually smile at me when he alighted the bus, so i noe..
then guess wat! the next day i saw him again..
apparently, tts because he worksat eastpoint too! haha..
and i am there often for dance, so the timing was jus right..
and the 2nd time round, i jus went up to talk to him (i noe i am shameless, but seriously, i think its fate, so better not let chance pass by again).
he is working as a assistant pet groomer and he oso looks older then his age..
he is onli 18!!! OMG.. can't believe it.. i eel so damn bloody old.
he jus completed secondary school last year, and is not planning to study anymore, jus wan to work..
but basically he is jus a child and he hasn;t seen the cruelty of the society..
i am treating him more like a brother now, cause i see myself scolding him, and helping him and guiding him all the time.
he is crazily in luv wit me, i don noe why.
a totaly discreet guy too, cause he is bisexual and never had a BF..
kinda of ah beng guy who smokes al the time, and he is very bothered by me asking him to quit..
i mean its for his own good anyway..
well, a little bit of miscommunication too, difference in maturity level i guess, its him who is the child this time round..

yeah.. well wat ever it is, these 2 guys have made leaving for australia a litle harder then the previous time, when i left without sheding a tear.
not tt frens and family don make me feel sad, but i noe they will support me more then wanting me to stay..
but for them its different i guess..
life is a totally jerk..
u don get wat u wan, when u ask for it..
when i am so busy wit work, and don ask for it tt much, they jus come around..
well, lerning to be at peace, i try not to ask for too much, and expect anymore.

i didn't wan them to wait for me, cause i think its jus fucking selfish and cruel..
but i have frens who tell me, i jus don noe how to treasure ppl when they come by for me..
well, i really don noe where is the line of treasuring someone i luv, and if i am torturing them.
i guess its jus the differnt way ppl look at things..

I am learning to be happy and contented wit life.
learning to be happy and live in my blessing..
learning to be happy and treasure wat i have..
learning to be happy, and hope to spread the joy one day..

Hectic preparation for return to aussie shall began tomolo..


170208, SUN, 0055hrs.