Dead Bored. Choosing to not have a life may be a right decision.

I am bored and lifeless.
I have nothing much to say.
Maybe i jus don nmoe wat to say.
Performance again tonite. was alright.
wanted to blog, but really no idea wat to type.
gona watch some movie online now.
thanx for the link given by frens, i am jus watching movies online all the time.
and lots of topmodel on youtube too.
staying at home, rotting my life away is not as bad as i thought.
maybe i am jus too tired, running about and earning plus spending money. i fi have no money, then i wouldn't spend.
money, its jus a vicious cycle. watever.
no mood, no drive.
fucked up life.
jus need a fuck up break.
maybe i should isolate myself and recharge.


311207, MON 0138hrs.

Its been a long and busy week. I need a break!

I haven blog for ages. i always want to.
but either i lose the motivation to, or i am seously seirously tired at nite.
Too many gatherings and rehearsal tis week.
performance tomolo and on SUN.
a little stres about helping my fren do the emceeing tomolo.
well.. i wanted some extra cash, and take my craft to the next level.
yeah i have hosted lots of school shows during MDC time. andi did a few hosting gigs for schools too.. but seroiusly, nothing as big as tomolo. cause its at victoria concert hall, and i got to anchor the whole freaking show. MYSELF!! no co host. damn it..
and seriuslt.. the toughest part is to be bi linguel.
i really must admit my mandarin is BAD BAD BAD.. haiz.. but watever, i am jus gonna do it tomolo. and i noe i am going to do a good job. jus need a little kick in the ass.
when i gret to the venue tomolo, then realitry will hit me, and t is whne i will start to really panick. haha..
seriouly too many happeninings the past few days.. lets see..
including meeting up wit loads of frens. whom i haven seen for ages..
an eciting dance competition called code edge held at zouk.. so yeah, i had been to zouk, but i didn't really club. the competition is crazily good.. i swear it blew me away. screamed till my voice was gone. haha..
then watched my fren's dance compeition the next day at the Arts house. which was GREAT too. i am so motivcated to dance my life out..
previewed a few more movies thanx to him, and the free tickets.
loved the upcoming korean show, le grande chef.. luv the male lead. so bloody cute..
loads of rehearsal.. and i am getting paid for some of it. so i am glad tt could bring me jus a few more bucks next month.. desperately broke.. i swear..
Oh.. and yes, i did my nude photoshoot tt i promised to model for. and tt is for free. jus tt i get to keep some of the photos. haha.. can't wait to see.. but i jus hope it helped. haha.. i grew fatter.. so not a good thing..
still kinda of depressed. not feeling the high yet..
maybe i jus need a break, a proper one.. i mena i have been working like crazy too much, and i don think i am earning much. so tts sad.
alright, i am off to rehearsal soon, so i need to get ready.. included a few photos..


This picture was taken at the arts house.. my 1st time watchign a show there. there are loads of stuff there.. and tis is like a gallery, and a lot of space for events.
the performaning area was really small, but very intimate. the dancers are literally right in front of me la. haha. i swear its damn stress..

And yes, tis is the fabulously good show tt i watched at the arts house.. and yes it was SOLD OUT.. how do i noe its a good show?? its when i noe i don mind watcfhing it again! haha.. my fren didn't perform much tt nite, but i must say he wsas great too. i didn't noe he can dance so well now!! i am terribly impressed.. he did salsa and lets jus say it was HOT HOT HOT!!

Oh yes. and tis is now my favourite hangout.. ms clarity cafe at katong. haha there are2 more outlets, one at bugis, and the other at thomson. but tis is new, and there are always very few ppl, so i like it a lot.. had a few great gatherings here. look at how the colors can cheer u up! OMG.. it jus made me happy. and gues wat, i am meeting my fren again there tonite, to play board games!! yes i am addicted to board games.. so much healthier and fun to do so.. heehee...

alright.. i am tired and i really really need to go!!!

bye now..

hopping for a better time ahead. i have suffered, but i have learned and grow too.. things still suck. but i am jus gonna take it like a man. and do wat i need to do..

i jus need to stay focus, and fulfil my destiny. i have HUGH shoes to fill. i noe tt.. and i am so not going to disappoint. fuck those who r in my way. get lost!

261207, WED, 1854hrs.

Love is when a mundane task becomes a joy because of who you are doing it with

“Love is when a mundane task becomes a joy because of who you are doing it with.”
Just finish watching another episode of desperate housewives.
And I got this sentence from it.
Pretty simple and good I must say.

Today is another rainy boring day.
No teaching today, and slept till late.. like 12 pm. And wanted so much to get a tan.
BUT it was bloody hell raining again.
How irritating so it was jus another episode of top model on youtube and then trying to upload some picures I took wit my new cam on to facebook and stuff.

Well and today, I decided to bring my lappie out again. So here I am typing on the bus while on the way to the hospital to visit my dad. Haha..

Continuing from the previous post.. well.. as u guys noe, I had a performance last Sunday at the esplanade and following that, had a BBQ to celebrate one of my sec school fren’s burfdae.. haha.. it has been long sine I last saw them. But these gals are like my clique and my really close frens back in sec school. Gathering was alright, cause most of us hated the idea of BBQ, except a few, and it was like drizzling and stuff. And it was wet. Aiyah. It was jus not too good.. after dinner, which was BBQ, we walked to the macdonalds at ECP to hang out a little more.. and jus chit chat and catch up.
Well, don noe why, but I jus talked a lot tt day.
Not tt I wan to or anyting, jus natural I guess.. and honestly, I wasn’t feeling too good or anything a few days b4 and on tt day itself.
Jus didn’t was everybody to think tt I am going through a rough time..
Whatever it is..
The gathering ended pretty well.. I mean its always a joy to meet wit ppl u haven seen for ages.

THese are the pics i took at the BBQ pit. haha.. a loving couple, jus hanging out, enjoying the view of the sea.. i like tt a lot.. a picutre of the sea of course.. and also a picutre of the hugh "forest" behind us. haha.. pretty nice eh...

And following tt, I received a call from another galfren, to hang out and chill cause she was bored..
And I don noe wat got into me, but I didn’t feel like heading home too, although I was dead tired I swear.. so I jus waited for her at the mac, and she came down..
Initially wanted to do a short KTV session, which I was excited about.. then her fren called and we went to st james instead., but guess wat, i am underage for movida, dragonfly, cause the age limit is 23. and its boi's nite at powerhouse, so my galfrens can't go in. damn it.

Got to stop now. cause i am reaching my stop already. to continue later............

alright i am back. its at nite now, and i am HOME! haha. so lets continue the post...

we jus chill at the alfreso area outside movida. it was not too bad.. haha.. and we did a lot of cam whoring.. i swear its alot.. haha.. i went home after tt, earlier then the rest cause i wan god damn tired.. it was already 3am when i got home.. damn.. can u believe i was like wearing my lens for almost 18 hours.

alright.. i am kinda of tired today. although its like rest day for me..

am gonna have an exciting weekend ahead..

gonna watch ice skating on FRI.. thanx to an invite..

watching studio wu's dance competition on sat at zouk.

and watching LADC's dance performance on sun at the art's house..

haha.. happening eh.. i swear i am..

hoping to keep negative thoughts out. and fill my life wit happy moments now..

i should learn how to luv myuself more then anyone else on tis world.. sound crazy, but its the onli way for me to be happier.. maybe..

121207, WED, 2356hrs

Views of Esplanade tt i miss.

Yesterday was Sunday. and it was a damn fucking long and tiring day.

Basically there are 3 parts to yesterday.

part one is performance at esplanade. was there like 10am for sound check and rehearsal, then the show was from 3-4pm.

took a lot of photos to self entertain. so think i will share wit u guys.

This is wat u see at the entrance. haha. i was bored, but i also took it for memory sake. jus in case i miss esplanade next year when i am in aussie.

and a picture of the hugh durian too!

This is a view from the 2nd story, down at the "green room". the green room is jus a place to eat. haha. cause u r not suppose to eat anywhere u like. its jus like a lounge to chill and stuff. and there are a few bamboos near the area, which always make me think of "crouching tiger, hidden dragon." haha..

This is taken somewhere from the backstage too.. if u have been to esplanade, at the main foyer, and u look down, then u will be able to see the inside of the esplanade. so i took a view from where i was, but there was no ppl looking down. and i jus simply like the shape of the roof.. haha..

and tis is the hugh plasma, or LCD tv, tt is at the backstage for us to see wats going on during the show. reason being, we don play all the songs, so in order to kow which piece they are playing now, we jus look and listen. haha. i swear esplanade is rich..

There is a hugh pathway right behing the stage, and tis is wat u see b4 entering thorough the doors on to the stage. there are plenty of music stands and extra chairs and platforms and wat ever so not, necessary for different kinds of performace.. and yes its usually very dark, and they use UV lights sometime.. but the place is a little eerie too.. haha..

alright.. i think tts bout it for today.. cause i tired le..

i still hve my frens burfdae BBQ to talk about and hanging out wit my frens at st james.. haha. and there are loads of photos. but i am seirously lazy and tired.. ok la, i continue some other time.

BYEBYEBYEYBEYEBYEBYEBYEBYEBYE!

111207, TUE, 0108hrs

If u really wan something so badly, the whole universe will conspire to help u get it

Jus informed u guys tt i have gotten a new digi cam.

but i don think i will be posting real pictures of myself and frens as yet.

maybe still not to comfortable wit telling the whole world who i am yet.

although i noe hardly anyone reads my blog, except the special few.

anyway i haven blogged for days due to my hectic schedule and the not so good happenings in life.

well dating is still screwed up.

i jus don like ppl who say things that they don even intend to do, or they jus simply don mean it.

then wats the point of telling me tt??

for example. u r so sweet, and i jus wanna give u a kiss.

and then the next thing u noe, the person is not interested in kissing u at all, jus saying it to maybe make u feel good, or make u like him/her.

i think, its really repulsive.

well. performance tomolo, after so long..

nothing much, its not a competition or wat so ever, and i make mistakes all the time.

haha. but i am professional, i always give my best on stage.

well. maybe a few more snap shots tomolo to share.

the performance is at esplanade concert hall.

some may wow at the venue, but seirously, i am sick of it already.

i too was excited when i 1st performed at the esplanade, but after doin so, sooo many times at the concert hall, the theater and the recital studio, it really is nothing much.. yawnz..

oh yeah. and lets talk bout the 1st picture i posted.

wanted to post one of my pictures, cause i am a damn gorgeous narcissist, but then i decided to do a little somehting else.

this pic was taken today when i went to visit my dad in the hospital.

a little scary i noe.

and tt pair of legs tt u see belongs to my dad. yes, i was sitting beside him.

and i was bored, cause he was watching TV, and i jus got nothing to do, so tts why i took tis picutre.

the ward as 4 bed, but the other 3 are not occupied, i think its damn scary la..

thank god i am not staying there.

and in my memory i onli stayed oin the hospital once, which is when i was 1st diagnosed wit arthritis, and i was alone in a room too. SUx.

well.. talking bout arthritis, i went for my routine check up jus a few days ago.

still taking the same medication but tis time round, its no more paid for by SAF, and it was costly.

well basically, tis anti inflammatory piss tt i take, once every 2 days cost like 7 dollars each.

so a month, it comes up to, 105 bucks. and in a year, i pay like 1260 ++ for the medication!!

expensive i swear, and it was then tt i start to hate myself more.

and i was seirsly depressed.. haiz.

i have never been the healthy child, and i think i should be glad t i am still able to dance and do sports like a normal person.

some may think i am jus the regular young dude.

but no i am not the most healthy person u see.

yes i am a lot more lucky then some of the other ppl who have disabilities, and thus i try to compare myself wit ppl who are less fortunate, and treasure my life more..

instead of comparing wit ppl who are better, and make myself depressed..

well, i don noe how tis works, but lets jus say its always hard when u try to do so, and tt is oso why moi is often feeling damn fiucking depressed..

I am jus praying for a day when life is better for me.

when i am healthy, and the ppl around me are healthy too.

when work is fine, and i get to do wat i wan as a living. realising my dreams.

when my frens are all happy, and they make me happy too.

when i find the special someone ot luv, and she or he luvs me back for who i am too.

i noe tt is when i will find happiness.

its not easy and i am on a rough patch of life now.

i feel like ending it all the time. but i noe i wouldn't cause i don have the courage to do so.

i onli have the courage to live on.

it actually, takes more guts to live, then to die.

its jus to scary.

alright.. there is one sentence tt is stuck in my head now.

thanx to the book i am reading , which is, the alchemist.

and i oso watched a hindi film recently.. yes a hindi film in Tamil. haha.. called, Om Shanti Om.

it was really qutie good, and in the show, and the book, they jus keep repeating this.

"If u really wan something so badly, the whole universe will conspire to help u get it."

tyring ot make myself believe in it now..

alright, buck and all go go go.

I know i have got my destiny to fulfil. and i am not giving up jus yet.

091207, SUN, 0045hrs

Updating my life on 021207.

A quick update.. rushing for time.. i mean its always the case in singapore. u never have enough time.

ok today's program was actually sentosa.. but as expected, a lot of ppl came up wit excuses to not go..
so i decided to go for another rehearsal wit my best gay fren..
haha.. we have .like 2 upcoming performances tis month..
then maybe meeting some other ppl for dinner..

back track now to yesterday..
was suppose to go visit my dad in the morning but i overslept. and i felt so bad..
then went dance in the afternoon, and after dance..
went to the IT fair.. yes i noe its not very me to go to the IT fair, but i was thinking of getting a digi cam, so i manage to get the help of some of my bestest mates too..
and yes i did purchase a new cam, but i haven figure it out yet..
and now, i was wondering if i should learn how to upload photos on to this blog after having this cam, but then i still wan this blog to be uncommercialised, as its certainly not for the mass..
ok will think bout it..

oh yeah, then the day b4, went to catch a upcoming movie, called the warlords, its a chinese blockbuster, but it was a little over rated..
thanx to the company, someone new i jus met, he has got free tickets, cause he is a movie reviewer..
its funny wit him, cause even b4 we met, he already said "can we jus be frens"
and when i am wit him, he jus gives me the feeling he wans more..
thanx so much for misleading me..
hate ppl who don noe wat they wan..
but still, we are quite close, and i am glad tt he may be asking me out for more free movies!! yeah!!

and then, a few more days back, also met one of my fag hag (i have a few fag hags, but not a lot, cause i am not a typical gay guy). and this fag hag, is like my movie date.. cause everytime i wanna watch something, she will company me. haha..
and yes we did catch ENCHANTED!! yeah..
i am so happy.. this show made me cry a little, but also laughed a lot..
brainless, bimbotic and happily ever after.. totally love it..

ok then.. like i said, since i am rushing for time, i shall end here for now..
looking forward to more great times, and les hurt..
and tt jerk in aussie is avoiding me now.. how sad..
not replying my mails, not answering my calls and refusing to reply my message on facebook too..
wah lao!!
ok ok.. bye bye..



1027hrs, 021207, SUN