If u really wan something so badly, the whole universe will conspire to help u get it

Jus informed u guys tt i have gotten a new digi cam.

but i don think i will be posting real pictures of myself and frens as yet.

maybe still not to comfortable wit telling the whole world who i am yet.

although i noe hardly anyone reads my blog, except the special few.

anyway i haven blogged for days due to my hectic schedule and the not so good happenings in life.

well dating is still screwed up.

i jus don like ppl who say things that they don even intend to do, or they jus simply don mean it.

then wats the point of telling me tt??

for example. u r so sweet, and i jus wanna give u a kiss.

and then the next thing u noe, the person is not interested in kissing u at all, jus saying it to maybe make u feel good, or make u like him/her.

i think, its really repulsive.

well. performance tomolo, after so long..

nothing much, its not a competition or wat so ever, and i make mistakes all the time.

haha. but i am professional, i always give my best on stage.

well. maybe a few more snap shots tomolo to share.

the performance is at esplanade concert hall.

some may wow at the venue, but seirously, i am sick of it already.

i too was excited when i 1st performed at the esplanade, but after doin so, sooo many times at the concert hall, the theater and the recital studio, it really is nothing much.. yawnz..

oh yeah. and lets talk bout the 1st picture i posted.

wanted to post one of my pictures, cause i am a damn gorgeous narcissist, but then i decided to do a little somehting else.

this pic was taken today when i went to visit my dad in the hospital.

a little scary i noe.

and tt pair of legs tt u see belongs to my dad. yes, i was sitting beside him.

and i was bored, cause he was watching TV, and i jus got nothing to do, so tts why i took tis picutre.

the ward as 4 bed, but the other 3 are not occupied, i think its damn scary la..

thank god i am not staying there.

and in my memory i onli stayed oin the hospital once, which is when i was 1st diagnosed wit arthritis, and i was alone in a room too. SUx.

well.. talking bout arthritis, i went for my routine check up jus a few days ago.

still taking the same medication but tis time round, its no more paid for by SAF, and it was costly.

well basically, tis anti inflammatory piss tt i take, once every 2 days cost like 7 dollars each.

so a month, it comes up to, 105 bucks. and in a year, i pay like 1260 ++ for the medication!!

expensive i swear, and it was then tt i start to hate myself more.

and i was seirsly depressed.. haiz.

i have never been the healthy child, and i think i should be glad t i am still able to dance and do sports like a normal person.

some may think i am jus the regular young dude.

but no i am not the most healthy person u see.

yes i am a lot more lucky then some of the other ppl who have disabilities, and thus i try to compare myself wit ppl who are less fortunate, and treasure my life more..

instead of comparing wit ppl who are better, and make myself depressed..

well, i don noe how tis works, but lets jus say its always hard when u try to do so, and tt is oso why moi is often feeling damn fiucking depressed..

I am jus praying for a day when life is better for me.

when i am healthy, and the ppl around me are healthy too.

when work is fine, and i get to do wat i wan as a living. realising my dreams.

when my frens are all happy, and they make me happy too.

when i find the special someone ot luv, and she or he luvs me back for who i am too.

i noe tt is when i will find happiness.

its not easy and i am on a rough patch of life now.

i feel like ending it all the time. but i noe i wouldn't cause i don have the courage to do so.

i onli have the courage to live on.

it actually, takes more guts to live, then to die.

its jus to scary.

alright.. there is one sentence tt is stuck in my head now.

thanx to the book i am reading , which is, the alchemist.

and i oso watched a hindi film recently.. yes a hindi film in Tamil. haha.. called, Om Shanti Om.

it was really qutie good, and in the show, and the book, they jus keep repeating this.

"If u really wan something so badly, the whole universe will conspire to help u get it."

tyring ot make myself believe in it now..

alright, buck and all go go go.

I know i have got my destiny to fulfil. and i am not giving up jus yet.

091207, SUN, 0045hrs