Sunday, November 25, 2007

Back In Singapore. Not Too excited.

Alright. I noe I haven update for a long time.
Back in Sunny Singapore and I have been sweating like hell everyday.
The humidity sux.

Well.. I am typing this while visiting my dad in the hospital.
Something got into me and I jus decide to bring my laptop out wit me today.
So here am I typing this while my dad is sleeping beside me on the hospital bed.

I haven really been the filial son.
Most of the ppl around me should noe.
But since the day I was back in Singapore, which was THU, I have religiously come visit my dad everyday.
So today marks the 4th day of coming to the Singapore general hospital.
Seriously, visiting my dad is alright, but apparently I still hate traveling for like one hour or more to get to this place.
I think the patience training I got at aussie is still not enough.

As i sit inside the ward, there are a total of 5 patients including my dad.
All of them seems to face similar problems..
I think so.
Mostly regarding the throat..
Its relatively quiet cause most of the patients can’t speak..
Well my dad got his voice box removed and obviously he can’t speak too
So visiting him includes guessing wat he is trying to say most of the time.
And when we both give up, he will jus write.
Which leaves me wonder, why don he jus write in the 1st place..
Nvm tt.. not important..
And wat else can the useless and clueless son do then.
Well, I bought him newspapers so he can read..
And oso I wheeled him around the hospital once cause he was too bored in the ward.
And oso massaged his legs and arms cause its probably too cramped up due to laying in bed like 99% of the time.

I really can’t do anything much.
And I noe visiting him means a lot.
Cause my bro and sis haven come for a couple of days and he is pissed!
I swear he was.. he even asked me to phone them.
So the little brother here has to phone my siblings to ask them when they will be coming to visit dad, and its jus not very nice.
But well, they all have their reasons, and I always believe in giving the benefit of the doubt.
And who am I to judge them when I haven played my role, until now when the guilt has strike me.

Today is kind of a bad day for me.
Well some may think I am jus being pessimistic, but jus let me tell u guys why I kinda of hate today.
1st and foremost, I was suppose to meet one of my close frens tonite for dinner and she canceled out on me. Tt really sux.
But I shall tell u guys about the cancelling part more later.
But anyway, it sure pissed me off the 1st thing in the morning.
Then I decided to get a tan, so off to the pool I went.
And when I was about to leave house, the clouds rolled by and decided to not let me have a good tan.
And UNTIL I decide to leave the pool, then the sun came out again.
Irritating I swear.
Then wat else, since I was being cancelled tonite, I decided to call 2 other ppl whom I was thinking of meeting up, and guess wat, both of them r sleeping so obviously there was no reply.
Then as I went online, someone asked me to meet for dinner. And I was happy.
So I agreed.
Then the next thing u noe, another person asked me out for supper and drinks..
Which made it a little confusing.
Cause I do wan to meet all of them.
And after me being canceled out, I decided not to cancel out on any of them.
And now I have to juggle my time a little, but its no big deal.

Alright back to the canceling out thingy.
Sometimes I wonder if its me who jus over react or being too drama.
But I must stress something here.
IF U HAVE BLOODY MADE PLANS WIT ME, THEN U BETTER DON CANCEL IT UNLESS U R DEAD, OR CRIPPLED, OR WATEVER SHIT!!
Cause I seriously hate having my schedules being screwed up..
When I make plans wit u, moi take it down in my diary, if not mentally, and set a time exclusively for u.
And lets jus say moi’s time is damn fucking bloody precious.
And when I have to spend more time, making other plans, it jus piss me off.
I jus don like having nothing to do can!!
Well I don hate my fren, but I can’t deny the fact tt I am pissed.
Am I being unreasonable??
I noe I am possessive and I am a control freak..
Especially when It comes to work, but has this crossed the line in a frenship?
Some said if it was a last min cancellation, then its unreasonable,
Then how do u judge “last minute”??
Was meeting at nite, and cancelling me in the morning, say bout 8 hours b4 considered last min??
It seriously doesn’t matter how last minute it is, even if its planned like years b4 and u cancel out on me, I will still be pissed. This is wat I think..

I thought I may be over reacting, and thanx to the last super bad experience of being cancelled out by the jerk for tt one whole week.. and he did kindly inform me like 2 days b4, I was still fucking pissed and hurt.
And now, tt has escalated my hate in ppl cancelling out on me!
SHOW ME SOME BLOODY RESPECT!!
Tts wat I think..
Tell me if I am over reacting. Cause I seriously don noe..

Well lets change topic b4 I smash my laptop on the hospital’s floor.

Ok the nurse jus walked in and is now feeding my dad.
Via a tube through his nose, and basically its jus to get some milk and water into his body.
Its scary and disgusting.
And moreover, if one were to see the scars of the surgery, I swear u will come out wit a HUGH EEEWWW!!! Its damn scary, bloody, and painful!! Its looks damn painful I swear, but my dad says it doesn’t hurt..
Ok whatever.
Back to some other stuff then.
I don noe wat else to bitch a bout in life, but I must say all these bitching makes my day a little better.

Returning to sunny SG, hasn’t been really great.
A little regret, and I do miss tt jerk.
Yes stupid I noe.

Alright wait wait.. my dad is awake, so now I need to go massage him.. Continue later..

Alright I am back.. he slept again ad I decided to leave cause I was bored.
And I had decided to take a bus back so I can continue this super long post. Cause the train is always too packed, and I don get to sit.
So now I am typing on the bus..

Well.. back o missing the jerk.. I do miss him.. a lot.. I don noe why.
He doesn’y even love me tt much. I am stupid, but guess tts jus part of the irritating lifes we have.
I called him when I was at the pool jus now, apparently, he was drinving, so I said I call him later.. then after that when I called him like 2 hrs later, he was driving again.
Tis time back home to where he drove to.
I mean tell me I am damn bloody UNLUCKY la!!
Some things are jus not meant to be.

I am tired. Today, I felt like depression is starting to kick in.
I hate tt feeling, I am able to fight this feeling off usually. And stuff like dancing and KTV does help.
But I have none of those today.
Tomolo marks the start of working.
Gonna go back to teach, cause its considered pretty good money I guess.. and I don have much choice too.
Well.. I think I am gonna kill myself wit an over packed schedule.

Basically, its gonna be teaching, dancing, rehearsing for some upcoming performances which I have promised to take part in and maybe another additional part time job at some cheapo cafes or wat so ever ls.
I hope I have time to date and stuff, but seriously although past experience really made me damn xian about dating, I still wan to do it.
Its like I am addicted.. haiz.. don ask me why..
Its jus holding on to the hope tt u might still meet someone.

Someone encouraged me by saying this.
U have to kiss a lot of frogs b4 u can meet ur prince charming.
Haha. And I so agree wit this.
So maybe I should be gald tt at least I have give up hope.
I am tired.. gonna stop typing now..
Shall update again..



251107, SUN, 1755hrs.

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