Hate it when things don go the way i plan. Leaves me confused.
Today is a confusing day.
Meaning i feel confused.
Ok.. lets track back a little to last nite.
And from the last post, i have already announced the arrival or Tragedy.
Stayed home last nite and my 2 closest housemates, plus 2 more frens came over for dinner and drinking session.
I swear we had a hell of a good time! haha..
i haven been so high since like the last trip i took to china.
There was so much alcohol and i really jus indulge myself tis time.
escaping yes, hoping to forget all the hurt i have been through earlier.
anyway he called halfway and i talked to him while i was real high.
BUT i still noe wat i am saying, not drunk yet.
jus tt when u r high wit alcohol, u us get the courage to say the things tt u never thought u would.
and yes, i told him i have reached a breaking point.
i don think i will have the strength and courage to try again.
but i am glad he kept his promise to buy me lunch, bring me to the beach and also give me a lift to the airport.
maybe we could still be frens.
i hope the 3 months back in SG will make me forget the good times we had together.
and i also hope i will forget the pains i have been through.
Dating is like a drug to me.
I am so addicted, its like part of my routine to jus go out and date.
U can call me desperate.
but i think everyone is, i jus show it more, without shame.
today's plan was lunch wit him and dinner at his place while watching idol.
Instead, it was lunch wit my mates and then shopping for my present, dinner at home, and australian idol at home.
am i happy, actually i was.
but knowing tt there was an even better initial plan, makes me feel depressed.
i hate it when things don go the way i plan.
which in this case, is the best example.
maybe i shouldn't expect so much.
hoping tt tis will cause less disappointment.
the happy thing is i got a pair of smashing shoes which i really like thanx to 7 of my housemates who sponsored 140 bucks of it, and i had to top up onli 30 bucks more.
trust me, i am not really a show person, and tis show is considered the greatest investment so far.
170 aussie equates to about 225 Sing dollars. I swear its crazy!
but then, i think i jus wanna indulge and be happy.
anway its a burfdae present.
ok random thoughts cross my mind.
i am so not sought out.
room is in a mess although i am suppose to spend time to pack my room these few days, and i do have more time now since plans have been screwed up.
ok more random thoughts about HIM.
actually there are many reasons why its crazy for us to be together..
we totally don like the same kinda of music. and i mean really really different.
I am an attention seeker, and he totally hates it.
i am into hot guys wit good looks, and trust me, he is not hot, and actually, he is even a little overweight,, think 178cm and 83kg, when i am 181cm and 67kg.
yes i am taller by 3cm but he is heavier then me by like 16kg.
we don have much to talk about.
but then ppl say opposites do attract.
things tt may pull us together includes the same taste for film. meaning movies, not porn.
the way we kiss.
i mentioned to him tt he is the best kisser i have met, and i do mean it.
he corrected me by saying we are jus compatible kissers.
meaning everyone have different ways of kissing, jus tt if ur partner has the same kising style and pattern as u, then u 2 will probably enjoy more.
and yes he is the most compatible wit me so far.
he is a bottom and i am a top. meaning i like to fuck and he likes to get fuck.
we didn't really had sex. onli once and it failed.
not because i am lousy, ok maybe i was, but he wasn't even turn on the whole time.
so half way, i jus stopped cause he obviously wasn't enjoying as much as i am.
and this was oso the reason why he felt tt we were not meant to be together!
cause he said he needed more feelings for him to make love wit a person, and he is holding back his feelings for me because of wat happened in the past, and the fact tt i am going off for 3 months and he don wan to miss me so much, tts why he is not putting feeling in!
fuck tt selfish bastard.
anyway sex wasn't great, so tt was a minus point too.
plus point is tt he is not onli a good kisser, he is a good blower too, one of the best i had.
guess i should spare u guys the details here or it will be getting too explicit.
ok trying to stop thinking bout him and me.
things tt i really need to do now is to pack my room, pack my luggage, and do my resume, cause i need to find a part time job for money.
i am really poor. any donations will be welcomed.
ok then. i am tired.
181107, SUN, 2307hrs
Meaning i feel confused.
Ok.. lets track back a little to last nite.
And from the last post, i have already announced the arrival or Tragedy.
Stayed home last nite and my 2 closest housemates, plus 2 more frens came over for dinner and drinking session.
I swear we had a hell of a good time! haha..
i haven been so high since like the last trip i took to china.
There was so much alcohol and i really jus indulge myself tis time.
escaping yes, hoping to forget all the hurt i have been through earlier.
anyway he called halfway and i talked to him while i was real high.
BUT i still noe wat i am saying, not drunk yet.
jus tt when u r high wit alcohol, u us get the courage to say the things tt u never thought u would.
and yes, i told him i have reached a breaking point.
i don think i will have the strength and courage to try again.
but i am glad he kept his promise to buy me lunch, bring me to the beach and also give me a lift to the airport.
maybe we could still be frens.
i hope the 3 months back in SG will make me forget the good times we had together.
and i also hope i will forget the pains i have been through.
Dating is like a drug to me.
I am so addicted, its like part of my routine to jus go out and date.
U can call me desperate.
but i think everyone is, i jus show it more, without shame.
today's plan was lunch wit him and dinner at his place while watching idol.
Instead, it was lunch wit my mates and then shopping for my present, dinner at home, and australian idol at home.
am i happy, actually i was.
but knowing tt there was an even better initial plan, makes me feel depressed.
i hate it when things don go the way i plan.
which in this case, is the best example.
maybe i shouldn't expect so much.
hoping tt tis will cause less disappointment.
the happy thing is i got a pair of smashing shoes which i really like thanx to 7 of my housemates who sponsored 140 bucks of it, and i had to top up onli 30 bucks more.
trust me, i am not really a show person, and tis show is considered the greatest investment so far.
170 aussie equates to about 225 Sing dollars. I swear its crazy!
but then, i think i jus wanna indulge and be happy.
anway its a burfdae present.
ok random thoughts cross my mind.
i am so not sought out.
room is in a mess although i am suppose to spend time to pack my room these few days, and i do have more time now since plans have been screwed up.
ok more random thoughts about HIM.
actually there are many reasons why its crazy for us to be together..
we totally don like the same kinda of music. and i mean really really different.
I am an attention seeker, and he totally hates it.
i am into hot guys wit good looks, and trust me, he is not hot, and actually, he is even a little overweight,, think 178cm and 83kg, when i am 181cm and 67kg.
yes i am taller by 3cm but he is heavier then me by like 16kg.
we don have much to talk about.
but then ppl say opposites do attract.
things tt may pull us together includes the same taste for film. meaning movies, not porn.
the way we kiss.
i mentioned to him tt he is the best kisser i have met, and i do mean it.
he corrected me by saying we are jus compatible kissers.
meaning everyone have different ways of kissing, jus tt if ur partner has the same kising style and pattern as u, then u 2 will probably enjoy more.
and yes he is the most compatible wit me so far.
he is a bottom and i am a top. meaning i like to fuck and he likes to get fuck.
we didn't really had sex. onli once and it failed.
not because i am lousy, ok maybe i was, but he wasn't even turn on the whole time.
so half way, i jus stopped cause he obviously wasn't enjoying as much as i am.
and this was oso the reason why he felt tt we were not meant to be together!
cause he said he needed more feelings for him to make love wit a person, and he is holding back his feelings for me because of wat happened in the past, and the fact tt i am going off for 3 months and he don wan to miss me so much, tts why he is not putting feeling in!
fuck tt selfish bastard.
anyway sex wasn't great, so tt was a minus point too.
plus point is tt he is not onli a good kisser, he is a good blower too, one of the best i had.
guess i should spare u guys the details here or it will be getting too explicit.
ok trying to stop thinking bout him and me.
things tt i really need to do now is to pack my room, pack my luggage, and do my resume, cause i need to find a part time job for money.
i am really poor. any donations will be welcomed.
ok then. i am tired.
181107, SUN, 2307hrs
posted by SunShine at 3:01 AM
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