Luv is a Torture & its Addictive. U never noe when u can finally let go.

Feeling Emo today.
my concentration span is still damn short.. don ask me why
lectures and tutorials are tough to concentrate for me..
i did try. but my mind jus wander off without me noeing it..
it sux.. i have so much reading to do to catch up..
feeling pressure.. and i still don really noe how to go about doin my essay.. damn it..
was listening to some emo songs today.. so finally decide to blog and share the lyrics of tis song wit everyone.. as usual.. i jus like..

(若不是因为爱着你）怎么会夜深还没睡意
每个念头都关於你我想你　想你　好想你
(若不是因为爱着你）怎会有不安的情绪
每个莫名的日子里我想你　想你　好想你
爱是折磨人的东西却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里可有我姓名
(若不是因为爱着你）怎会不经意就叹息
有种不完整的心情爱你　爱你（爱着你）
爱是折磨人的东西却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里可有我姓名
爱是我唯一的祕密让人心碎却又着迷
无论是用什么言语只会（只会）思念你
(若不是因为爱着你）怎会不经意就叹息
有种不完整的心情爱你　爱你（爱着你）

Its a song by karen mok called love.. yup.. simple as tt.. describing love.. tts why i like it.
and here goes my lousy translation of the above lyrics into english..

If I haven fell in luv with u, then why can't i get to sleep tonite?
Every thought in my mind is all about u, i miss u, i miss u dearly.
If i haven fell in luv with u, then why do i feel insecure?
Every now and then, i jus think of u, thinking of u fondly.
Luv is torturous and its addictive.. And I jus can't bear to let it go..
i'm always trying to find out if my name is in ur heart..
If i haven fell in luv wit u, then why do i sigh all the time?
Cause i am not complete without ur luv, i luv U.
Luv is torturous and its addictive.. And I jus can't bear to let it go..
i'm always trying to find out if my name is in ur heart..
Luv is the onli secret i have, it broke my heart but i am still crazy over it.
No matter how i express myself, I jus wanna say i miss U.
If i haven fell in luv wit u, then why do i sigh all the time?
Cause i am not complete without ur luv, i luv U.
I am still luving U....

Its really an emo song.. and i luv the lyrics..
i don really feel upset..
i jus feel emo.. i don noe how to express myself..
i wonder if i stil luv anyone..
i wonder if i can even luv again.
i wonder if i can have the chance of being luved again.
i don like to feel confuse..
i wan to noe wats happening to me..

310707, TUE, 1946hrs.

It hurts when u realise you can't make the person you love happy.

Wanted to blog a few days back.. but the internet was down..
yes tts how sucky it is over here.. the internet is slow and it goes down at times.. which is extremely frustrating.
anyway i have been trhough a little struggle in school.. cause i really haven been doin school work for sometime.. my attention span has oso dropped drastically.. which is bad..
but thanks to my fren here, she has indeed help me alot and i owe her a lot man..
i am feeling emo again tis afternoon.. was reading through my ex's blog.. and chattin wit frens..
nope i don miss home..
i miss him. and some other ppl back in SG..
i thought i still luv him.. i think i do.. maybe i miss the times we were together.. the joy he gave me.. and the stuff he made me realise..
but reading his blog jus now..
i can c tt he is happily dating other ppl.. he is much happier now..
something which i can;t give him.. i can't make him hapy.. i don noe why.. but i jus gave him the sorrows tt was in me.. he was the few who saw wat was really in me.. and its jus not wat he expects..
i didn't treasure him when i had him.. its my fault.
and to noe tt i can't give the person i luv wat he wans, hurt me more..

i wan to study hard and get really good grades.. but alot of times.. i start to doubt myself...
cause i am afraid of disappointment when i don achieve wat i wan..
fortuantely.. i have got to meet really nice ppl here.. as much as some of them don look as nice as they may be.. but so far so good.. at least i could like click wit them.. everyone seems to be angel here .. cause sometimes u r jus desperate for some company..

i need luv... jus like any body else. butits jus hardfor me.. i don noe why..
maybe its because i expect to much..
maybe because i am not trying hard enough..
maybe its jus meant to be..

Getting prepared for school. A feeling of worry creeping up.

It's been a week since i am in Aussie..
have done quite a lot.. but since time is quite hectic for me.. actually i realise there is more to do..
i am kinda of scared of school.. was reading through my course profile and stuff. and i wonder if i can really handle it..
then i start to question my ability to score a high distinction now..
i wonder if my goals are really set to high..

today was a alone and at home day...
wake up at 12, had brunch... then did my laundry... for the 1st time.. i am doin my own laundry..
everything went quite well.. pack a bit.. then took a short nap.. then woke up in the evening.. and then had an early dinner at bout 6 cause was really hungry...
then on my com to use and continue packing.. haha.

tts bout it.. my day.. time flies though... u feel like u have a lot of it.. then the next thing u noe.. its gone..
and i realise tt if i really wan to get something done .. i cannot have distractions.. and my laptop is a distraction.. haha.. once i on it... i am jus stuck to it. but thank god.. my place is a lot neater and cleaner now..
ready for school start man!

I wan to rest early tonite.. trying to be healthy and stuff..
going to groom myself a little more tomolo to prepare for school start..
still strongly believe tt i don get a 2nd chance to make a good 1st impression..
I so hope tt i will rock my world and the school!!

210707, SAT, 2157hrs

1st post from aussie. the 1st 5 days here...

Here's my 1st posting from Australia..
Have wanted to blog when i arrive few days back..
but was jus too lazy and moodless..
well.. today is already my 5th day here.. so lets do some back trekking...

1st day,..
Arrived in the morning.. a little delay.. so touch down at 7 plus.. then took a transfer to cumquat house which is where i stay..
journey took bout 1 hour..
when i arrive.. i was quite happy..
I like my house a lot.. and my room is exactly wat i hope for.. totally cosy..
unpack a little.. then was too hungry...
so went to walk around.. went to my new school first.. its a small campus.. but nothing at all.. cause its a saturday...
then tried to take a bus to ipswich centre..
ate at a cafe there.. food is so so onli.. but all the portion is so BIG. so its filling.. then after eating.. i Jus wan to SLEEP.. i am so tired la!
Had to shop for some groceries... then got a pre paid card so i can make phone calls.. then got home..
my housemates soon came home and one of them is my poly mate.
Dinner was prepared by one of my housemate and it was great...
jus packed a little more then slept.. its jus freezing cold..
had a great drinking session wit my housemates.. and i was truely happy..

Day 2 was slightly better..
We went to brisbane city!
train ride was bout 1 hour.. got there and we went for lunch..
tis time round there is so many of us... lots of poly frens and new fren tt i met here..
lunch was again toooo filling... then we went shopping after tt...
after shopping we went to my fren's new home! a rented apartment.. nice view.. and i like it too..
jus tt rent was a bit ex.. but i am sure they will enjoy their stay there....
went back to ipswich after tt.. and had the 1st cooked meal by my landlord..
dinner is provided to me 5 times a week...
it was pretty alright...

day 3..
went to school for the 1st time..
orientation sux big time... totally boring.. onli bout 10 international students.. and its like attending a whole lot lectures.. but the person was really friendly and lunch was provided...
so after lunch, the boring lectured carry.. but everyone was actually most interested in settling all the academic stuff cause its kinda of complicated and differnet for everyone..
as i look at the new students. i am really glad i have frens here who helped me out.. some of them are really lost.. and the place i stay is really good.. cause at least there was internet which then allowed me to use the com and stuff.. and meals really wasn;t a problem for me.. i feel blessed.. went to ipswich centre again after orientation to open bank account and buy some more stuff.... then went home for dinner!

day 4..
orientation was worse! more talks.. and i really almost slept.. the weather was too good..
wanted to settle my academic stuff today but the appointment was for tomolo..damn it..
so went home and went out wit my hosemates again today..
went to the main campus which is st. lucia campus.. took loads of photo. then walked about in toowong... went for dinner at hawkens.. had indian food and the curry ROX!!! its freaking good...
it cost bout 20 aussie.. so not cheap.. but worth it.. then went to milton for some dessert. had the highly recommended HOT CHOC!! and its really GOOD!!!!!
slag there and talk cock. really chilling out.. was so tir4ed and sleep after tt.. cause time flies!!.. then took the super long train back to ipswich.. and had to walk back to cumquat caus there was no more bus.. tts really sux.. cause its freezing cold.. its probably bout 0 degrees la..
today, i felt more happy and open. my mum wasn;t wit me, then i felt tt i could be more ME.. hmm.. but i am going to miss her when she's going back..
Got to noe a new fren from hong kong too.. he's a cute guy.. but think he is straight.. so pretty sad.. at tis moment in time.. u jus hope to have some company when u really need it.. a hand to hold.. a body to hug.. a sholder to lean on and a listening ear..
i hope he's the one..but guess i am jus dreaming.. jus a new fren i have made.. i jus hope he is a nice guy...

day 5. which is today..
slept till really late today..
went to school oin the afternoon JUS to settle my academic stuff.. got most of the stuff settles already.. which makes me feel much more secure... came home early and didn't go to the centre..
felt really bored at home... then jus slag till dinner and went to eat.. realise there's onli my HK fren and me.. so its like candlelight dinner.. HAHA.. ok i am in dream land again.. i better wake up.. its so cold, seriously i think it affects the working of the brain.. talk a little more but nothing special.. came back home and my mum came back soon after her day tour.. jus talk a little more wit her today cause wouldn;t e seeing her anymore for more then 4 months..
chat wit a few pals in aussie and was suppose to mee tup tomolo for gathering, but a lot kind of fly kite.. due to various reasons.. anyway.. chatting wit one of my buddy.. made me feel a little depress.. so feeling a little low now.. well.. i jus hope tomolo's a better day...
i am going to stop here for now..

i jus can;t wait for school to start.. its when war starts.. and i must gain victory..


180707, WED, 2349hrs (Aussie time)

Shopping for toiletries today!

Counting Down!..
4 more days to AUSSIE!!
i am really excited. and scared too.
i am scared cause i am afraid of disappointment..
Disappointment in myself and the place there..
I try not to expect too much... but seriously.. tt is so not me..
i have terribly high expectations sometimes.. so its not too good cause u really feel fucked up when u can't achieve wat u really wan..
Last sat, went clubbin at ZOUK!!
its indeed one of my favourite clubs man.. i dance and dance like no one's busioness...
i jus wan to party.. and i drank alot!! so got quite high.!! HAaha
hmmm... then had more dinner dates and stuff lor. always packed eh.
few things left to do..
which includes plucking my eyebrow, cutting my hair then giving it a good dye then i am all ready for a new start in Aussie!! yeah!!
oh ya.l. went shoppin for some stuff jus now..\
Bought quite a lot of stuff to bring there..
-shampoo (took me a long time to find.. cause i am particular.. onli use "Rejoice dandruff control"
-bathfoam ( shokubutsu once again.. but different smell one tis time.. taking a risk..)
- Face moisturiser (from nivea man.. i don really like it.. but guess its quite necessary)
- blanket ( which onli cost 10 bucks.)
- toothpaste
- hair wax (the NEW GATSBY MOVING RUBBER. i hope it good cause its ex)
- Listerine mouth wash ( don really use it.. jus in case onli..)
- Tissue paper (because ppl tell me its really ex over in aussie.. and i am a heavy user.. so better bring some there.. haha..)
- plasters and panadol...

Well it seems like a lot but i swear it cost me a bomb!!
think its bout $60 plus ok!!
i am broke now..
well.. i got to start packing my luggage really soon.. but tomolo i am busy again!! how!!
ok i must convince myself..
JUS DO IT..
U GO GAL!! U R SO GOING TO BE READY TO FLY THERE ON FRIDAY!!!
I MUST NOT BE LAZY ANYMORE!!!!!

100707, TUE, 0218hrs.

Like those stars embroided in my eyes, I will Love You Forever.

"The wind knocks on the window,
Over the room as small as me.
Twinkling stars so beautiful,
Filling the room with Love.
Don't be Hurt,
Caressing my wound gently,
Embracing me to sleep.
Crawling to me like a dream,
My little star up high dazzling my eyes,
Shining brightly,
Falling on my shoulders.
Don't be sad anymore,
Holding my hands tightly Caressing my wound,
It embraces me warmly.
Too hurt for my legs to walk,
Eyes so blurry with tears.
Before love never meant for me.
I will keep on smiling.
Dear moments with you,
Buried deep in my heart.
Like those stars embroided in my eyes,
I will love you forever."

Hi there.. I am back to blog after a few days of putting on weight..
Above are the tranlated lyrics from a korean song.
This song was from the movie "200 pounds beauty"
I luv the show. and listening to this song during the show made me tear..
seriously.. its much better when its perform in korean.
the lyrics are being tranlated, so some parts may not make much sense..
But hearing the singer perform tis song really touches, even if u don understand korean!

Well.. wat i wan to say is tt. although sometimes ppl don say much.. alot of their action do touch me.
For the past 2 weeks.. I have been meeting up wit many frens.. and alot of them gave me treats over dinner or lunch,,
Its not tt i can't afford it.. its their offer which i can't reject..
I am really touch by some cause they are really sincere.

I just wan to dedicate this post to thank all tt have gave me support and believe in me.
Tis trip to Australia, wouldn;t be a waste.
I wouldn;t disappoint u guys and will need all the luck u have wished me.
I am going to change.. for the better.
Like the actress from the movie i mentioned above..
I hope tt i will ake u guys really proud eh.
Love all those who have showed me unconditional love.
It really means a lot to me.

I OWE u Ppl A big favour.
I wouldn;t forget u guys.

Instead of being all emo again. I would like to end here with all the well wishings i had.
I noe i am loved.

060707, FRI, 0334hrs.