PPL, GROW UP!!!

hey hey.. finally i get some private time to update my blog again.. ok.. don noe wat to say actually.. but need to find some time to do some reflection.. for the past 2 weeks.. i have been doing a lot of song arrangements for my group.. haha.. don noe why.. not too good at it but guess its at least some thing tt gives me a sens of satisfaction when i am finish.. all though it doesn't all sound nice.. i noe i tried.. haha..
so far.. Say yes from chage and aska have been played.. jus finish superman by five for fighting.. wow.. luv tt song.. then now on my 3 major song arragement le..
its ni zhui zhen gui.. one of my favourite ktv songs lor.. a duet.. although i can siong both parts.. hahahahaha..
and yes.. looking and the music while arranging.. really makes me luv the song more.. and i am sure i can sing it better the next time cause i realise tt when we look into details, we get better at the thing.. yup..
and wat else... oh i went to watch forbidden city last nite.. wowowowowowow....
KIT CHAN rox.. she is indeed the preide of Singapore.. overall its ok.. but i am proud tt its a local preoduction.. but a bit over rated at times oso lar..
recently.. i sometimes feel lost.. i feel tt my want, believes and dreams contradict each other..
like i luv to eat and i wan to eat and i will die not eating the stuff i like.. but again, how to be a model like tt??
then sometimes, i feel tt i have to change for the better by not being so shameless and over arrogent OR over confident.. but then.. all the self help books tt i read does not encourage me to do tt.. haha.. watever can.. i am like suppose to stay the way i am and be who i am lor.. haiz.. so confusing..
oh then wat else.. sometimes in life, we suddenly feel that we need something badly.. be it money, fame, friends or luv..
and u noe wat i need now.. seriously.. i think i need a girlfriend.. haha.. no shit.. its a GIRL friend lor.. i am kind of sick og dating guys sometimes.. so far, meeting the gays tt i noe know will only end up in jus plain sex.. which is not a good thing cause i don really enjoy it.. of course my ex, he is a little different.. no sex and a lot understanding.. which i really treasure.. little ppl understand me really well.. so i do seriously treasure the ppl who UNDERSTAND ME!!!!!!!
and do not try to say tha ti can read u like a book to me.. cause no one can unless u try to take time to understand me.. and fuck those selfish ppl who jus wan to noe who u r for the fun of it.. how shallow.. thinking tt knowing wat i like in life is understanding mem then u r wrong.. i luv money i luv fame.. but is tt understanding me?? watever.. getting to emo again..
wanna stop here before it gets to long and irritating..
and a very rude person jus want to look at wat i am writing.. OMG.. how rude and shallow can one get.. PLS FUCKING GROW UP..

The after effects of a death..

wow.. its been somtime since i last posted.. haha..
anyway the past weeks have been pretty emotional too..
well one of my buddy's bro committed suicide and it jus happpened so quickly.. even now when typing tis.. i can feel guilt, sadness and some shiver in me.. haiz.. watever happen, its jus too complicated..
but i had learn a lot. and experience a lot from these.. so much.. and i am not sure if i have to courage to face it..
i learn to treasure the ppl around me much much more.. be it friends or family.. we often take them for granted.. not knowing how important they are until they are gone.
so now.. i am taking plenty of oppurtunities to spend time wit them and treasure them.. but sometimes.. i jus find it really hard to tell them i luv them.. think its a little of the asian thing too.. its not tt easy for us to jus hug and tell each other how uch we need them..
but anyway.. its really chaotic.. as in so many things happen at the same time.. cause i had to perform the RSAF open house too and its not really a good thjing cause i am so freaking tired and upset but we still have to do out thing on stage.. if u noe wat i mean.. then lots of us had to send a teary friend off at the airport as she embarks on her journey to UK to pursue her studies.. i am oh so proud of her..
and i am ashame to say tt i onli learnt o treasure wat i have now onli when they are gone.. haiz..
then there are some happy things going on too la.. like my friends' commisioning at SAFTI.. haha// so many guys in NO.1.. OMG.. steam.. and the best part was the dinner after tt.. went to 85 to eat. and u noe wat.. i had never felt so happy and lucky in such a long time.. jus being able to find time to eat there wit my mates are life's best simple pleasures.. and then after dinner.. we went to cheesecake cafe to chill.. and it was like the best place we could be tt nite.. so much laughter and emotions.. well.. can c tt everyone jus needed a break like tt.. where we can jus be ourselves and not get stress over anything.. it rox man..
after tt nite.. i send everyone a sms.. a sms filled wit wat i reallyfelt and telling them how much i needed them in my life..
oh and there was a really cute waiter.. haha.. couldnot really enjoy the hot guys at RSAF open house cause wasn;t in the mood.. but now.. finally i can enjoy.. haha.. but guess wat, i saw him again the next day but he was with his GF.. haiz.. thought he wasn;t straight la.. giving me the look somemore.. and his GF is not even pretty or wat.. its terrible.. wat happened?? maybe he's bi.. haha.. must be..
so much have happen and i jus feel totally tired after all these.. but watever.. i need to go get work done now.. luv it..