The Endless ROad In Life...

"The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognize this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time
Why am i still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Every time i ask if this would be the last
Why am i still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper
How do i get out of this I think i never will
A crystal forming in the eye Maybe this would be the last
The winding pathdown my face
Till i begin to taste the bitterness inside"

ALl right.. this is a song by JJ Lin.. hmmn.. called endless road... very meaningful lyrics i think.. so share lor..

Oh yah.. back to a bit on my luv life.. haha.. remember mr charming whom i met at a performance.. ok ok.. brief description of him..
42 yrs old.. but look like 24.. rich but not a spendrift.. nice guy.. scorpio too.. dentist.. blah blah blah..
anyway i am really attracted to him.. but u guys noe the age gap is a little big.. it doesn't really matter to me but it matters to him a lot.. haiz...
i still wan to further my studies.. i still wan to fulfill my dream as an air steward, but he disagree cause he thinks it is a low class job.. haiz..
he also said tt for his age, he wans to look for someone more stable lor and stuff.. i am really very sad,.. haiz..
but i as myself, how many ppl can actually give up their dreams and switch their goals jus for someone they luv..
its very selfish of him for wanting me to do so, but guess its onli when u luv someone then u will wan to keep him or her by ur side.. ok ok..
but then, i have decided to be a little selfish too.. i still wan to do my stuff and fiollow myu heart.,. but i must stress tt, tt doesn't mean tt i don luv him anymore too ok.. i still luv him, but guess if u really luv me too, u shoul;d also show me some support in wat i really wan..
haiz.. qutie sad when i realised tt we have so much differences after all.. but still i believe we enjoy each other's company..
so now we r jus very close friends,.. no status, no commitment,.. don really like it. not really wat i wan.. but i have no choice.. its better then not having him anymore.. ok ok..
looking at the lyricsk above, i really luv the line which says.. "Every time i ask if this would be the last".. i guess alot of ppl jus hope to be able to settle down wit someone.. so we don have to be in search anymore.. but guess tt wouldn't be happening to me in the near future..
quite xian when i think of tt.. haiz.. i am too ambitous.. i am too career minded.. but still, i need to be luv. who can understand how i feel and still care for me despite my selfish pursuits..
ok,.. i am getting really depressed over this.. i shall end here for now..

I still luv u dear.. and i am glad i did cause even though we may not be together forever.. i noe i had met u b4 in my life.. its a memory worth treasuring for the rest of my life.. i hope we will still care for each other till the end of time.. perhaps as a friend.. u always end ur messages wit this smiley face.. and thus i should end mine wit this today too.. :-)

Wat makes U HappY??

Oh yeah.. last nite went to orchard then had a reading by someone using tarot card.. haha.. quite interesting.. but a bit doubtful at some point in time. haha.. don noe lar.. basically can;t say everything online here.. so here are the jizz of it..

My question was, wat makes me truely happy..
1st thing he said was tt this is a too profound question... haha.. so can't finish in such a short time.. its more like a topic not a question.. but anyway, he suggested tt i should get a religion.. something spritual.. hmm.. no idea wat to do.. so he ask me go read up on some books and stuff.. well quite true.. ok ok.. shall consider, but it oso means tt i have to put in lots of time in it.. which i CAN"T afford.. halo.. where got time?!?!@?!

then friends wise, glad to hear tt i will have a lot of true friendss tt will trust me and stuff.. hmm.. thanx guys. u noe who u r.. not gfoin to mention names here yet..

then say i'm sexually active.. hahahaha.. can;t deny it///
then say i'm materialistic.. omg.. its an open secret right.. ok ok ..but tt oso leads me to be a succesful career man cause $$$$$$ drives me! alright man.. i'm lovin it!!?/ TRue true..

eh then a lot of other things lar.. quite general, not in depth due to time constraint.. hahahaha.. then some other stuff i can;t say lar.. suppose to be personal right..

ok ok.. but basically.. i can re confirm tt i have the following traits.. so ppl who wans to noe me.. pls take note of the following:....

~Confident.. sometimes to over
~Bad temper..
~Temperamental...emotional.. watever...
~Materialistic.. $$$$$$$$$$
~Egoistic!!.. haha.. tts my devil!
~Horny.. haha.. i'm horny, horny, horny horny.. oh yeah.. haha..
~I'm bisexual.. not gay, not straight.. don try to change this fact k.. i noe who i am.. if u r not bi, u wouldn;t understand one k.. shut up!
~typical scorpio.. so revengeful is in the list..
~eh then a lot more lar.. next time then tell u guys.

or maybe u guys can make out who i really am by reading my posting lar..


... ok ok .. back to my topic/.. according to the tarot card reader, Johann.. hmm.. seems tt the onli advice for me is like find a religion.. haha.. not easy not easy..
and i have a devil card.. OMG.. its so cool. and according to him.. the devil in me is my EGO.. hahaha.. cham liao.. so now on.. i must learn to manage my ego liao.. haiz...

tts all for now..

Hey U.. Yes U..

Oh yah.. few peeps have been reading my blog.. well.. not tt i don like anyone reading my blog.. jus tt i don need ur comments ppl... and i don need u to laugh at me.. and i don need ur sarcastic remarks too.. oh pls.. keep all those to urself.. if u wan to read, go ahead.. jus shut the fuck up and keep it to urself.. halo.. don make me feel like a celebrity although i noe i'm close to one.. don need all u guys talk about me k..
Best way.. jus read it as though u r reading someone else's blog.. anywhere, i haven said who i am anywhere on this blog.. so how u noe its me right.. jus take it tt its not me la.. idiots.. ok ok..
and u, yes u kaypoh.. read somemore.. go do some work lar..

P.S: pls take this posting seriously, cause after my warning, anyone who steps on my tail again is going to be fatal. And i mean it..

Your most sincere scorpio here..

LookOuT!! IT STINGS!!

Alright.. i'm kinda of obsessed with astrology.. and i'm scorpio so tt makes me even more obsessed with my own horoscope... Scorpio RoX!! haha.. ok ok.. a bit too ego le.. anyway i shall share some stuff about scorpios.. Got the following stuff from askmen.com.. jus happen to come across this website.. i'm in company rotting again.. OMG.. Better not let my superiors see this or else i would be in deep trouble.. but honestly its time for some relaxation after a pretty hectic week.. oh yah.. and the following below are about scorpios.. very accurate..

Likes
# Truth
# Hidden causes
# Being involved
# Work that is meaningful
# Being persuasive

Dislikes
# Being given only surface data
# Demeaning jobs
# Shallow relationships
# Being taken advantage of
# Shallow flattery

Haha.. ok ok.. very true for me.. but guess it applies to a lot of ppl tpp la.. not jus scorpio.. i feel great when i can use all these singlish like le la lor.. haha.. ok ok .. out of point again.. sorry tt my writings r always pointless.. haha..

Back to some serious stuff now.. regarding my previous post.. i'm suppose to ask tt special someone how he feels about me and stuff.. well. some drastic changes toook place.. quite drama.. OMG.. i'm such a drama queen..

OK.. last friday.. on the 18th.. i had a performance at SAFTI.. wit CIE.. performance wise, its suc big time cause we were really 0ut of tune.. but but.. i happen to meet this guy there.. mr charming.. omg.. and after my performance we chatted briefly and x changed contacts. after some chatting, i realised he is someone whom i really wan in life.. but wat about my previous guy whom i had wanted to express my luv to?

well.. he was there too. and he kinda of encouraged me.. so ok lor.. jus go ahead and continue my relationship with mr charming.. but tt nite, i told him i luv him.. not mr charming, the original guy actually.. lets call him "a" .. and then i came really clean wit him.. how i felt and stuff.. i glad i did. cause now i can like move on and really rest assured i am going to faithful to mr charming.. but i can feel tt "a" is a little disappointed.. i wonder issit because he likes me too, or issit because its a big damage to his ego when he realise he can't have me anymore by his side.. aiyah.. watever.. now, i am getting along happily wit mr charming.. i shall tell uguys more bout him the next time i blog eh.. ok ok..

but to "a", he is still someone special in my heart.. a great friend and a soulmate.. someone i can really get along.. we r jus not destined to be together,, i jus hope he can tresure wat he has now.. ok ok.. enough le.. jus found a really good lyrics to share wit u guys the next posting..

Issit True?

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move 'til you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak, it's true
'Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
'Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true.


Another song lyrics by ryan carbera.. called "true".. hmm.. really nice song.. remember i heard this song when i jus started out with my ex.. but actually this song now reminds me or rather let me thinks of someone else already..
nope i'm not flirtatious... but i kinda of get over my ex already.. not really sad.. jus disappointed.. haiz.. i met this guys at MDC,, someone so similar to me.. very surprised to meet someone so similar to me.. got along really well at an unbelievable speed.. issit luv or lust?? i have no idea.. but i jus can't seem to get him out of my head.. is he playing games wit me?? i don no.. it seems tt i have met my match.. am i jus a prey to him?? am i jus a challenge to him?? to satisfy his hugh ego like i always do so to others to satisfy my own..
I'm really afraid its gonna be retributuion for me.. i believe in it and i know i deserve it. should i be careful or should i go for it?? should i tell myself tt at least i had luv and lost, rather then not to luv at all?? I am really confused..
ACtually now, i jus can't wait to tell him how much i luv him.. but i dare n0ot imagine his reaction.. wat is he goin to say.. i can't take another rejection now. not at this point in time.. i feel like dying already.. totally depressed.. he is like my support system now. i am afraid to loose him..

I think i'm going to try ba.. do lookout for my update.. i shall find a chance to tell him.. be it good or bad.. i noe i had tried.. I do believe its true luv for him.. cause i would wan him in the rest of my life.. doesn't matter if we are together.. pray for me ppl...

F-Up rehearsals!!

Ok.. i'm terribly bored in camp.. jus finish some rehearsal for a charity concert this sat.. then the rehearsal is OMG OMG OMG... it is so bloody boring.. ok nvm.. best part is.. i had medical check up this morning.. then reach camp at 2 pm .. rehearsal ended at 4pm.. then i'm leaning soon at 4.30.. i can't believe i came to camp jus for this f-up rehearsal.. haiz.. leaving to go teach liao.. 1st time going to temasek to teach.. haha.. since no money then anything lor.. haha.. ok ok.. bye bye.. jus bored..

Do U Still Believe??

"You look in my eyes
And I get emotional inside.
I know it's crazy
But you still can touch my heart.
And after all this time,
You'd think that I,
I wouldn't feel the same
But time melts into nothing
And nothing's changed.

I still believe, someday you and me,
Will find ourselves in love again.
I had a dream, someday you and me,
Will find ourselves in love again.

Each day of my life
I'm filled with all the joy I could find.
You know that I am not the desperate type.
If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp
I'll hold it with both hands.
It's worth the risk of burning to have a second chance.
No, no, no, no, no, no I need you baby.
I still believe that we can be together.
If we believe that true love never has to end,
Then we must know that we will love again.

I still believe, someday you and me,
Will find ourselves in love again.
I had a dream, someday you and me,
Will find ourselves in love again. "


.... This lyrics above r from a song by mariah carey.. its called i still believe. i remember my relationship wit my ex was pretty "eventful".. cause one month after being together.. i saw him posting these lyrics for his ex then, a guy he jus broke up wit.. so wat does it mean?? does it mean that he still luvs him? does he still wants him back? and is he still waiting for him?? haiz.. i was devastated tt time.. thinking tt he had let me down.. well.. pretty much i oso thought tt he was mentally cheating on me.. do u guys feel sad for me? or am i jus being oversensitive?

often we question our trust for ppl put there.. but we must oso understand tt ppl do so to us too.. so when my friend said tt i don trust him, i asked him back, how much do u trust me then.. if u can't fully trust me, then don expect me to do the same to you.. haiz.. its quite sad actually.. trust and believe is often taken too lightly.. ppl jus say i do believe or i do trust u.. but how many actually do mean it?? i don say it often.. and i don even trust anyone easily.. and ppl think i'm being over propective and secretive and watever k.. but i'm jus being real and honest.. come on.. ask urself truthfully.. how many true friends do u have out there?? tt u can share every single little secrets wit?? barely a handful i guess.. its great even if u can name one.. ok then.. its getting too depressed for me already.. i shall end here.. so do go back and read the title... have u realised any change in ur perspective now???

My virginity..

Oh yeah.. this is my very 1st posting.. haha..
everything feels so new.. and nice.. and exciting.. and anxious.. and curious.. and watever lar.. jus feels like losing ur virginity?? haha maybe.. can't comment on tt cause i'm still one.. ;p
Ok watever it is.. this blog came about cause i am practically rotting in camp.. and talking about camp.. i'm currently in MDC.. Music and Dance Company located at Nee Soon camp.. Real heaven in army.. haha.. but pros and cons to lots of stuff too.. had been through a lot since i was here a bout one month plus back..
And yes, it was my birthday 2 days back.. so i'm 20 liao.. haiz.. sad sad sad.. old le.. how!?!
quite tired of literally writing a diary so tt is oso why i started this online thingy.. remember i'm not a computer person at all.. its sux actually.. but since i have access to it all the time in camp.. might as well use it lor.. haha...
k lar.. tts all for now.. lets c wat else i can do now..