Go, Going, Gone, Goned..

Let me tell you wat is a shit day.

1.) My laptop hang last nite and refuse to reboot.. thinking i might have overworked it, i left it till today and tried again.. but it has officially died on me.. i should be bringing it for repair tomolo, but lets jus say the repair work takes about a week usually.. and i have the hugh proposal to submit next TUE.. and a report after the proposal.. and a lot more stupid stuff..

2.) It was freezing cold today, cause although its autumn, winter seems to have arrived early tis year.. and since i don have a laptop at home, i am so stuck in school, having to do work, and probably walk home in the dark and cold nite later..

3.) I met a new guy today.. singaporean studying here, who is graduating in June.. i hardly meet anyone now, unless i think its a potential partner.. and he was nice and stuff.. but then at the end of the day, i realised he was jus looking for frenship... and he is keen on someone back in SG, and he was jus waiting to graduate, so he can probably head back and be with him.. tell me how should i feel..


Today is officially the worst day of the year so far..
I am so jinxed,. and wat a roller coaster ride when i knew i got a 6 for my accounting test, and a 7 for mthe 1st part of the proposal..
and now, immediately, the world came crashing down.. proving me life is never easy..
jus when i was given a little taste of success..
they had to drown me in bitterness now..
FUCK LIFE!!


290408, TUE, 2046hrs

No One, No One, No One, Can Get in the Way of How I am Feeling..

I am back to blog.
have wanted to the past few days, but was jus tooooo busy.. haha.
yes a lot of work, but amidst all the hectic schedule.. moi went to club on Friday nite.. which was an aussie holiday tt day actually.
CLubbing was faboulously FUN!! I swear i haven felt this much fun for a long time..
i literally shook my ass off..
and saw a couple of familiar faces there..
but i was high, and engrossed in shaking, i don realy care.. haha.

enough of that..
work is getting a little boring now tt i have kinda of learn most of the front of the house stuff.
i wonder when they will put me in kitchen, which can be quite scary, cause its like a real kitchen, not heating up precooked food only. they have al sorts of stuff, and the menu is pretty extensive too..
well.. but i am sooo lookin forward, i actually asked my mum to send my safety boots and apron from SG to aussie, so i can wear it during work., haha..
and i so wan to share wit u this awesome colleague i have, she totaly makes my day. i swear..
lets call her G...
some of the things G says jus makesme go crazily happy.. cause its so hilarious..
example..

G:tell me i am not weird.
Me: no, u r funny.
G: yeah, weird is for poor people.. i am eccentric.. eccentric is for people who are weird but rich.
Me: hahahahahahaha.. i serously go watever..

and she is such a good trainer. she really leads by example. haha.. and sh stresses on taking ownership,so she jus keeps askine me to kep the place clean. and oso.. her logic of customer service is "OTT".. yes its OVER THE TOP!!
i swear.. they can jus talk to the customers like its thier frens and family. she is sooo friendly.. i so need to learn form her.. and sometimes the conversation goes a little overboard.. i think. for example.. C will be for customer, and G for her..

C: thats all for me. and i have a seniors card. (FYI: seniors get discounts here. unlike SG)
G: stop lying. u have to show me the card (its jus her making fun cause the C is obviously damn old)
C: oh come on, alright (she digs for her card)
G: U don look senior.. so i jus don believe u (I was tyring not to burst out laughing. )
C: here u go, (shows her card to us at the counter)
G: HOW MUCH DID U PAY TO HAVE THAT MAKE! haha. (she keeps poking fun at C)
C: (extremely happy, cause it really made her feel young and she was laughing wit us) oh, u are so funny.

Its not tt funny when i type it here, but wat she did really made the customer damn fucking happy. its like complmenting someone, saying their young, but in a much more fun way..
it sure brighten up her day, and my day too.
i have so much to learn from her.. and i swear i wil so employ her..
another incident goes like tt..
this time, the customer is and old guy and an old lady. like really old. C stands for the old man who did the talking.

(after settling the payment, G will always try to strike a conversation, is there is no one in queue)
G: so how long have u 2 been married?
C: oh we are not married. haha.
G: oh so u 2 are jus frens?
C: well, both of us use to be married, but not anymore..
G: so u two are "frens" eh.. haha.. do u guys have kids?
C: haha.. she has a son.. and i have triplets..
G: OMG.. TRIPLETS.. like 3 sons!
C: yeah. 3 sons, and they are turning 50 this year. (so i can imagine he is probably at least 70+)
(be prepared for the next thing G says)
G: oh gosh, 3 sons, no wonder ur wife died!
(I was in utter shock, cause i really thoughtt was damn sensitive, then the customer replied)
C: oh she didn't die, she ran off wit my best mate (best mate = best fren; its an aussie slang)
(then i didn't noe how to react and the next best thing happen as i stand beside G)
G: (turns to me, and said loudly) OMG, this is like "days of our lives". its so dramatic! (Not realising she is the one creating drama now).
C: (started laughing too, thank god, cause i can imagine he is either damn pissed, or think she is damn funny.. so it was all good.)
G: i am going to prepare ur diner now, so jus take a seat and ur diner will be served shortly.
C: Oh, u r the cook too.
G: yes.. we have to do everything here.. haha..

This was pretty much the end. and yes, at nite, cause it was pretty quiet, so its only her working the back, which is the kitchen, and me, the front. which is cashier and drinks..
but as we were both talking in front due to NO ORDERS.. she jus wanted to take the order and chat wit customers. haha..
i swear there was alot of funny moments.

like she is soo drama and bimbo.. nd working with her is jus so FUN.
and sometime when there is another person in the shift, its usually one of the manager.. cause there are 2 managers. and she is god damn funny and nice too..
PLUS, she is damn pretty. i swear, she is so my type.. haha..
and she is a pastry chef, who makes terribly sinful and great desserts.. OMG.. FAintz..
BUT.. i am not going to date her, jus simply cause she is getting married next year..
WTF.. haha.. and she even bought her partner to the cafe one day b4 they went to the cinema to watch a movie. and lets jus , her partner is a little disappointing..
hmmmm. the manager and G are great frens, so it is great fun to work with them, they jus luv to talk about all kinds of stuff. and its jus hilarious sometimes..

well.. tts about all for today..
it was so u think u can dance finale toady and my favourite, rhys didn't win, a runner up though..
and kate, another finalist.. lets jus say she is so hot.. but she didn't win too..
she is someone i would luv. well, i am still very Bi.. not tt gay, cause i am still pretty atracted to some of the gals i meet in my life. haha.. i noe it..
jus tt guys are jus much easier to date and have fun wit. and i should try to stop doing tt soon..
the winner jack is prety good though.. deserving win la. so not tt upset..

well well.
wat else.. i have been so busy wit school work , and cafe work, i was able to put love and relationship out of my mind for sometime..
until a few days ago, i got acquianted wit someone here in brisbane.
another SG guy, who is studying here, but graduating soon in June..
nice nice guy, someone i would fall for easily, so iam trying very hard not to.
cause i noe if i do, the ending is not going to be tt fantastic.
wat attracted me to him is tt he is kinda of closeted..
i don realy like closeted guys, but he is slighty different..
and he is really a man kinda of guy.. matured in thoughts.. one year older then me. virgo..
well, everything jus seems well now.
might meet up wit him soon.. and i don noe wat will happen.
i m sure i will blog about it, if anything happens.. haha..

all i wan is for someone to luv, and be loved in return..
a warm body to hug to sleep, and a face i can wake up to every morning.
wit more then 22 years of experince, lets jus say, tis is really hard to come by.. and i sure noe how to treausre, if this person ever comes by..
feeling all emo in the nite now..
have ben listeing to my 3 favourite songs now.. non-stop in the backgrouund...

Bleeding love by leona lewis (she is crazily good)
No One by Alicia Keys (Great song to dance and sing to)
Bye Bye by Mariah Carey (A litle Emo, but no doubt, she is still one of the best in RnB. New album out now)

i need to stay focus and work hard..
i noe i can be great.. i jus need to believe in myself more now..


280408, MON, 0113hrs.

I am so Absorbed into my own world, i Can't see Clear.

"ignoring u didn't make me happy, it just made things easier. but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. u can't do everything that's good for u, u have to think of others, especially if u care for them."

This paragraph above was part of an MSN chat wit tt special someone in JAN30.
I have kept it for a long time, and occasionally i look at it.
I jus wonder why he typed me this.
Was it jus to make me feel better, after ignoring me, and leaving me in pain.
Was it the fact tt he still wans me?
Was it me who is jus overthinking things.. i don noe..

Rough time in life again.
School work is piling up and i jus don noe wat to do, escape to choose the lousy way of escaping things. again.
cafe work is fine. and i think they like me. but occasionally when i still make mistakes, i jus can't forgive myself.. especally stupid mistakes like making the wrong drink.
The Worse thing is, i have lost interest in dance.
i don noe why..
i don look tt much forward to dancing again.
its really bad, like a hugh motivation in life is like gone.
i wonder wat it will be like if one day, i jus lose the motivation to look good.
i think tts the day when sunshine is lost.

school today was crappy, had conflicts with my prof and tutor. and i kinda of caused them to quarell.
i didn't mean to, but sometimes i jus want to dig into things, and make things work my way.
occasionally, like today, it turned out to be a little political.
and i jus feel like apologising to my reallly nice prof who seem to be in distress due to these conflicts. i jus don wan to elaborate, but lets jus say, i almost threw up a storm.
and all these jus for a good grade for my paper.
and now, it made me feel like crap tt, after all the effort, i don think i can even get a good grade.

jus when dancing at nite use to cheer me up, it has lost its charm on me.
and i called him. the person who typed the 1st paragraph u see, to meet for dinner, hoping to find solace.
but wat a wrong thing to do. its been more than a month since i last saw him. almost 2 months.
i have learn to be independent. but deep down, i noe tts not wat i wan, its something i jus have to do.
he is feeling moody and crappy too. jus like me. and i so understand tt. he chose to jus hide at home. which i think i will probably will if onli i have one.

i have so so so so much work to do. and i don noe where to start, and how to start. i jus don feel like doing anything.
maybe jus sleep and escape, hoping tt things will be better when i wake up.
but obviously, this is so not happening.
this feeling has been haunting me for days and weeks to come.
i don noe when it will be gone..
issit the stress? i don think so.
its jus my heart tt i can't handle, cause i simply don understand.


230408, TUE, 1424hrs

"U r condemmed by the mistakes u make in the past, if u refuse to face it."

u noe wat, i am terribly irritated by my housemates..
especially the gemini guy..
being one year younger than us, i expect him to be much more mature. but OMG.. he is jus so fucking childish at times..
me being me, don like to talk in the morning, and when i am chattin wit a fren online, and when i am watching tv.. he jus keeps talking and irritating me.. NON -STOP!!!
and sometimes, when he walks past my room ,and jus call my name, i choose not to hear it.. and ignore him..
and guess wat did he say, he was like, why are u so cold these few days?? I MEAN WTF!!!!
don u get it, u r irritating me big time, and i have been kind enough to entertain u..
and now i don feel like doing it anymore, cause i don wan to be a fake person entertainig someone, when i obviously detest speaking to him..
seeing him now really puts me off big time!! i swear!! i so wan to lock my doors..
ok i jus need to vent out all i wan to say..
THINGS TT IRRITATE ME!!
1.) making the whole bathroom really wet after bathing.. we share the toilet, and whenever he finishes bathing, i can literally swim inside.. its jus so fucking annoying.. i have no idea how he baths.
2.) blasting his music really loud! and tts fine if its nice songs.. BUT, its the freaking same song the whole nite, and its jus not a nice song.. he has bad taste in music.. tt song is jus simply cheesy. nice when u 1st here it, but not after a million times! (he was playing it again, for the 3rd nite today, and i jus told him off, saying i can already sing the song, so he went to off it.) u noe wats bad, he plays it real loud and leaves his door open, and jus hang out at the kitchen, and the whole house can freaking hear the BAD SONG!! anyone who luvs it probably hates it now!
3.) asking me for help.. shamelessly.. for example, i have an extra calculator and me being kind, lend him for his previous test.. he wanted to borrow it again, and i said yes.. then u noe wat he said.. "why not jus give it to me since its extra!" HALO.. pls have some pride.. and u r fucking rich can!! buy a calculator!!
4.) econs test today... and he asked me about price elasticity.. i fucking studies econs 6 years ago!! YES.. it has been 6 years.. do u seriously fucking think i can still remember.. and tts not the best part, after telling him i don noe.. he still asks me again!! and the fucking textbook is right in front of him!!! and he ask me to read the text book and explain it to him!! would anyone even do tt?? HOW STUPID!! and all these, while i was in the midst of preparing lunch, and waiting to watch opera.. tell me its fucking irritating!!
5.) me being nice again, while watching tv jus now.. i asked if anyone wans ice cream, since i am gonna have some, and everyone replied no, including him. and then 3 seconds later, he said, yeah i wan some too.. i mean how indecisive can one get.. jus 3 seconds.. tt is so gemini.. never able to decide.. jus wan to have everything..
6.) asking me more stupid questions.. when we watch "so u think u can dance".. he can comment, "u mean anthony is out already" and we were like "that was 2 weeks ago!!!". WTF.. don act like u watch and enjoy the show. cause u jus simply don get dance. and don try to get involve when u can't . it jus makes u pathetic..
7.) treating me like a tv guide.. is there "friends" tonite?? and me will go,"its sunday, there is no friends."..
and it happened again jus now, "is there "rove" tonite??", and i went, "its only on SUNDAY that ROVE IS ON!!!",..
and the freaking idiot can still ask me, "what chanel is ROVE on?", and he flipped channels to see if its on other channels.. jus don ask me if u simply to trust me.. WTF!!
8.) Don act like u noe me damn well, when u don!! i hate that.. he says he wans to go back to singapore wit me at the end of the year, and transit flight to china from there cause he don like to fly alone... and i told him i got graduation to attend and my family will be here, i don have time to entertain u..
and u said he can wait, he can get a job and kill time.. but i told him he has no where to stay, cause by the time, the bond is over.. and he says he wouldn't have problem looking for a place.. i mean please, can't u see tt i jus don wan u around?? and i even suggested, why not fly back wit another housemate, who is also from singapore, and i am sure she wil be going back in NOV after the exams, rather then wait for me till DEC.. and his fucking lame reply was, i don wan to go back china for so long.. 3 months is too long, and i will forget how to communicate in english, 2 months is enough.. tell me how should i react to tt??
9.) he saw some news on TV and went like, i am going to support the beijing olympics.. there are so many ppl against it, and they are trying to stop the torch relay.. and since its coming to canberra later this month, he said he is going to fly there.. jus one day. imagine spendind more than 300 bucks, jus to be there for one day..
he says he will probably get into a fight there.. and stuff.i mean that is soo childish, i jus told him "you wouldn't make a difference even if u are there".. and wit all tt saying, he still hasn't got a ticket..
and then he went to try, but he could only buy one way, cause he don have money, how lame.. and he never book accomodation.. and he jus don noe how to do anything.. and he keeps asking me for help.. which irritates me.. and guess wat, i don think he is going now, after all the big hoohaa.. FUCK!!
10.) tis shall be the last.. his MSN got some virus and he can't log in.. and he got so angry, and u noe wat he did.. he ask me to log out of my MSN while i am chatting wit my frens, to try to let him to log in. to see if its working... WTH!! and i jus had to do it, so he will leave me alone in my room.. practically invades my privacy..
and after doing so, he could log in, and the virus is obviously in his laptop, and he insist tt he has jus re formatted his laptop.. WTF.. obviously its not clear yet then!! DICKHEAD!!
HHHEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have so much hatred in me. its jus so bad.. i swear..
and i am starting to hate people from china, cause there is tis idiot in my group.. and i can type a 1000000 million words essay on how he pisses me off big time..
enough of venting my anger..

now back to some good stuff.. i jus finish desperate housewives.. and this episode was really qutie good. basically it ended wit this..
"U r condemmed by the mistakes u make in the past, if u refuse to face it."
and i so agree wit it..
mistakes are there for us to learn, and so many of us jus refuse to learn.. and then it will happen again, and HIT us really hard.. for me, tis mistakes usually comes when its got to do wit relationships, i jus can't handle it..
and wit tt said, i swear i am going to throw a bitch fit at HIM if he pisses me off again.
my scorpio tail is already out, and he is very close on getting stinged by me..