I Never should have let u.. Let me go.

ANother emo nite for me..
I jus wan to blog, hoping that things would be better..
or at least make me feel better.

I started watching gossip gals a few weeks ago after much persuasion.
and i honestly, i finally have some time to do the stuff i wanted to do.
was on to my 10th episode tonite, and i must say it is a great show.
not because of the gossips, or the sex or the bitching..

i like desperate housewives and grey's anatomy too cause they always have these fantastic voice over b4 and after the shows that related really well for me..
and i jus feel for it.
more often then not, feeling emo about it..

welll today's episode, was one of the best i have seen so far, and i jus wanted to share it here.

It ended wit the last sentence...
"I never should have let you, let me go"
then the song "apologise" by one republic played.. and the voice over starts....
"It is often said that no matter the truth, poeple see wat they wan to see.
some people might take a step back and find out, they were looking at the same big picture all along.
some people might see that their lies, have almost caught up to them.
some people may see, what was there all along.
and then there are these other people, the ones who run as far as they can, so they don have to look at themselves.
and as for me, i can see clearly now, xoxo gossip girl."

i watched the ending part so many things.. and i felt like i was going to cry.
only hoping that i could cry..
the feeling of emotions building up inside of me, but i jus can't release it..
last nite, i went to bed early for the 1st time in a long time..
and i remember me choking up, thinking about things b4 i slept, and i thought i was going to cry again, jus like in the past, when things were bad, and u jus cry urself to sleep.
but last nite, i couldn't even bring myself to tear anymore.
everything is jus cooked up inside of me.
is that part of growing up too?

i miss her so much... but then.. i see her everyday.. well almost everyday.
like today, everything was jus fine. as usual.. nothing special..
2 frens.. 2 groupmates.. and jus 2 seperate person...
even though we are close to one another, i jus feel extremely distance to her..
There are times, when i thought maybe i should jus try harder.
but thinking about the incident wit her GF, jus upsets me, cause i really don wan to do anything bad.. its jus bad karma..

but when suddenly one day,
she jus starts talking to me like b4..
and we could hang out more..
and when i realised that the wall paper on her laptop is no more her GF and her, but some other photos..
i start to wonder, is this really time for me to act again?
was she hinting me about anything?
or rather, issit jus me over thinking things once again?
i don noe.. i jus don fucking noe..

Ever felt like u have found the person u wan to be wit, but he/she jus don belong to u.
i reckon many had this feeling b4.
and this sucky feeling, jus happened to me.. and i must say this hasn't happen for a long time..
Talking about greatest love in my life. i don think i have much. well maybe i am still young.
or maybe, i jus don fall in love that easily after all..
and i am jus stubborn at the things i can't get..

I miss her so much now..
i wan to be wit her so much now..
and i wan to hug her to sleep so much so much so much...
but all i can do now, is to keep hoping..




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