crazily watching SATC. i am so loving it.
I have been living in a fantasy.. a fucking fantasy of my own..
I have been crazily watching sex and the city TV series.. and lets jus say I am loving it..
I think I am born American inside.. I like their lifestyle, and I jus like being them..
I noe I haven been there, and wat I say might nmot be true..
But I am jus so influenced by them.. the cold hard truthful Americans..
One of the episodes in SATC speaks of questioning ourselves, and living in denial VS reality..
It was close to my heart..
I question myself all the time.. like I once said, my life is like a “sensitivity analysis”, also known as the “What if” test.. whereby u basically jus keep asking what ifs..
I hate uncertainties.. but the more u hate something in ur life, the more it will happen. That’s what I realised…
So many things and happenings in life where we can learn from..
For example, one of my aunty was talking to my sis today.. and to cut the matter short, the main point of the story was…one of my nephew who is now in sec 3 is studying in some boys school, and his parents, who are my cousins is terribly afraid that he is gay, cause he is hanging out and staying over at his frens place all the time… then my aunt said to them “the more u worry about something, the more it will happen”.. but all these in hokkien, so translation by moi…
And I so got to agree wit it.. remember the times when ur mum or dad often tells u don do this, and actually, the more u will feel like doing it.. the defiant stage..
And so the same in life, the more u detest and resist it, the more it will happen.. and my aunts logic was to tell their parents to stop forcing him to stop meeting his frens and stuff.. in fact, my cousins should welcome his frens to their place to stay over instead, and they should get to noe my nephew’s frens too, instead of worrying about this whole gay thing..
And I am like.. that is SO FUCKING TRUE!! I love my aunt.. she totally enlighten something in me today..
Same thing wit the SATC I watch today..
Why should we keep asking ourselves questions, and doubting ourselves, when we should be living in the fucking reality.. all these questions are jus us in denial of the true facts sometimes..
We jus simply got to face the cold heart facts.. even though it hurts most times..
Here I am sitting in the living room of my old house.. where I spend the 1st 11 years of mine growing up..
Its really really weird sitting here alone in the nite.. a little scary, but rather jus uncomfortable. Too much unpleasant memories.. the walls, the broken door, the crappy toilet..
Everything jus seem so familiar.. everything I want to forget, it jus keeps forcing itself into me.. the unpleasant memories of growing up here..
The condition wit my dad is complicated, and I don think I wan to share it in this post now..
In fact I haven posted the other post, so I am jus typing all these down in words, and then gonna post it some day when I feel like it..
I so fucking know wat I want in life.. but the fact is, its hard to achieve, especially when I wan someone to share my life with, and thus the someone has to have the same thoughts of me..
And wat is the possibility of finding someone wit the same thinking of mine.. I am so ambitious, and I expect ppl to be ambitious too.. honestly, I consider myself an over achiever sometimes, and I do expect my partner to be the same.. but its hardly the same… and is love gonna be enough to change me, I seriously don think so, given the narcissist in me.. I am jus a selfish prick..
As I type, I get more confused, questions flood my brains, my heart crunched wit the thoughts of uncertainties..
I think I should go get some sleep..
Last but not least, the over achiever is pretty satisfies wit his results this semester.. 2 distinctions, and 2 high distinctions…
Better then expected…
030708, THU, 0153hrs
I have been crazily watching sex and the city TV series.. and lets jus say I am loving it..
I think I am born American inside.. I like their lifestyle, and I jus like being them..
I noe I haven been there, and wat I say might nmot be true..
But I am jus so influenced by them.. the cold hard truthful Americans..
One of the episodes in SATC speaks of questioning ourselves, and living in denial VS reality..
It was close to my heart..
I question myself all the time.. like I once said, my life is like a “sensitivity analysis”, also known as the “What if” test.. whereby u basically jus keep asking what ifs..
I hate uncertainties.. but the more u hate something in ur life, the more it will happen. That’s what I realised…
So many things and happenings in life where we can learn from..
For example, one of my aunty was talking to my sis today.. and to cut the matter short, the main point of the story was…one of my nephew who is now in sec 3 is studying in some boys school, and his parents, who are my cousins is terribly afraid that he is gay, cause he is hanging out and staying over at his frens place all the time… then my aunt said to them “the more u worry about something, the more it will happen”.. but all these in hokkien, so translation by moi…
And I so got to agree wit it.. remember the times when ur mum or dad often tells u don do this, and actually, the more u will feel like doing it.. the defiant stage..
And so the same in life, the more u detest and resist it, the more it will happen.. and my aunts logic was to tell their parents to stop forcing him to stop meeting his frens and stuff.. in fact, my cousins should welcome his frens to their place to stay over instead, and they should get to noe my nephew’s frens too, instead of worrying about this whole gay thing..
And I am like.. that is SO FUCKING TRUE!! I love my aunt.. she totally enlighten something in me today..
Same thing wit the SATC I watch today..
Why should we keep asking ourselves questions, and doubting ourselves, when we should be living in the fucking reality.. all these questions are jus us in denial of the true facts sometimes..
We jus simply got to face the cold heart facts.. even though it hurts most times..
Here I am sitting in the living room of my old house.. where I spend the 1st 11 years of mine growing up..
Its really really weird sitting here alone in the nite.. a little scary, but rather jus uncomfortable. Too much unpleasant memories.. the walls, the broken door, the crappy toilet..
Everything jus seem so familiar.. everything I want to forget, it jus keeps forcing itself into me.. the unpleasant memories of growing up here..
The condition wit my dad is complicated, and I don think I wan to share it in this post now..
In fact I haven posted the other post, so I am jus typing all these down in words, and then gonna post it some day when I feel like it..
I so fucking know wat I want in life.. but the fact is, its hard to achieve, especially when I wan someone to share my life with, and thus the someone has to have the same thoughts of me..
And wat is the possibility of finding someone wit the same thinking of mine.. I am so ambitious, and I expect ppl to be ambitious too.. honestly, I consider myself an over achiever sometimes, and I do expect my partner to be the same.. but its hardly the same… and is love gonna be enough to change me, I seriously don think so, given the narcissist in me.. I am jus a selfish prick..
As I type, I get more confused, questions flood my brains, my heart crunched wit the thoughts of uncertainties..
I think I should go get some sleep..
Last but not least, the over achiever is pretty satisfies wit his results this semester.. 2 distinctions, and 2 high distinctions…
Better then expected…
030708, THU, 0153hrs
posted by SunShine at 8:16 PM
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