I killed my straight distinctions today.

i am bored, and i don really have anyone to talk to..
and actually, i don really feel like talking to anyone..

was reading back some of the post i made, and i can't believe how random i am..
my post neer really quite make sense wit the title, and it always starts and end at 2 really extreme ends of the world.
but guess thats me for u..

had my 1st paper today. and it was cost accounting..
i think i failed myself terribly..
like most accounting papers, i didn't had time to finish..
4 main questions.. and i only confidently finished 2..
one was a flopped, and i totally wasted time on..
it is thos when halfway through, u realised it all doesn't make sense, and u jus have to finish it anyhow.. and that was wat happened..
the last question, was so rush, i didn;t even had time to look through wat i wrote..
and more often then not, i jus pluck numbers from anyway, and everywhere, cause i really didn't had time to think.. and to make matter worse, i punched the calculator like i was playing flight on the bumble bee with the piano.. meaning, i hardly even noe wat i was punching, as long as the number that it gave me back look reasonally sensible..

that was how i flopped my 1st paper tis semester..
can i pass this course, no problem.. can i get a 7, totally impossible..
can i get a 6? highly unlikely after today..
i think i have to settle for a 5...
btw, a 7 is a high distinction, a 6 is a distinction, and a 5 is jus a credit..
i am very close to stright distinctions this semester, and i jus blew everything today..
it is so demoralising, i don even noe wat to say..

and i have always had a weak body.. it didn't help when i have been facing a lot of bowel problems this couple of day..
during the 2 hour paper today, i had such a great urge on going to the toilet to shit, and i jus had to hold it.. and it was terribly distracting.. i really hate my body.. it jus don work wit me all the time.. and then when i refuse to go, since i already had no time to finish the damn paper, it kept growling, really LOUDLY!! it was so embaressing, the guy beside me must have thought i am really SICK.. i swear..
and wit the toilet experince, it always always happen when i am anxious, i jus need to shit or pee, so i always go to the toilet b4 an exam, or b4 i perform on stage, and still i get it.. i jus don noe wat to do some time... whenever i focus realy hard, the body jus have to come out wit something to distract me..

i don noe wat am i doing here now..
i feel sad, i feel confused, i feel beaten, and i feel sick..
studying these few days made me really horny, don ask me why..
i am shocked by myself too.. but its something u have to attend to, or ur brain jus refuse to focus..
i should be preparing for my next paper now.. Hotel technology..
the course is the one where i am closest to a 7...
and i really really must get a 7 to pull my GPA up now..

current GPA from last semester is 6..
its pretty good, but i really wan something more then a 6.. which means i must average like 2 grade 7s now to be able to pull it up..
all these results thingy is driving me crazy..
and the hotel technoogy paper is 4 essay questions in 2 hrs..
its not easy at all i swear.
Try writing NON STOP for 2 bloody hours.. thats how scary it is.. and u r racing against time the whole 2 hours.. writing boolets of answers..
a lot of ppl say i am kiasu cause i jus write a lot.. but then, i jus feel its never enough..
i am so scared now..
if i can't get a 7 for this course, then i am not even sure how the other courses are going to turn out..

why am i crashing at the end now??
help pls.


120608, THU, 2248hrs