On my way to the airport.. again.

I know I haven blogged for a long long time.
In fact I don noe wat to say anyway..
Jus came back from Melbourne last nite and I must say it’s a beautifully wonderful city.
If I have to stay in Australia, then it would definitely be Melbourne.
I jus love it there..

As I arrive in Brisbane airport late last nite, at bout 11 plus, I had no more train, and then I had to call a fren of mine o drive me back to Ipswich..
It was then I really count myself lucky. Cause I really do have loads of frens who are willing to help me, more then I am willing to help myself..
I think I am in a shit hole situation now..and I can still remain so calm, cause not only I have learn to escape from problems physically, I can now do it mentally, by jus blocking it away from my thoughts..
I am so tired.. Deprive of good rest. And yet another flight back to Singapore in 2 hours time.. and my sis is going to pick me up from the airport, straight to the hospital to visit my dying dad..
I am disgusted by myself sometimes on how I can cry so easily when watching a movie wit ppl dying, or jus reading some stuff, and ppl die, I jus feel so emo..
Then now when it comes to my father, I feel so emotionless, I feel nothing.. I wonder if I don noe how to feel anything, or I jus refuse to feel anything..
I guess when I touch down in SG an reality sets in, then I will feel everything all at once.. then I will be too overwhelmed to do anything..
I am scared actually.. but I hate the feeling of being scared… so I train my mind to think otherwise.. distracting it by reading self hep books to strengthen my believes is a form of escape..
Watching movies and shows that are inspirational to motivate myself and be postitive, is also a form of escape..everyday, I find ways to keep my mind working in a positive state jus to convince myself everything is gona be alright..

More often then not.. I will doubt myself.. am I doing the right or the wrong thing??
People around me often advice me by saying, I shouldn’t think too much.. jus be strong..
BUT.. how can all this be possibly good?
I have learn to think less tis period of time. And I jus feel that it’s a form of escape..
I have learn to be strong tis period of time, and I feel so cold in my heart, and u noe wat. The ppl around me seems to care more for my dad then me..
I could see some of my frens feeling so sad for me.. but I don even feel as much as them..
WAT HAVE I BECOME??
I got no idea.. I am typing tis on th train ride to the Brisbane airport, I don noe when I can get to post tis since I don think I will have any internet connection until I get back, and apparently, I need t stay over at my dad’s place which is near to the hospital, so I can visit him more easily..
That house, that my dad stays in, is where I had 11 years of unpleasant memories.. and lets jus say I am really not looking forward to..
I am so tired now I better catch some sleep.. that’s all for now..

300608, MON, 1154hrs