Is ur present any difference from ur past? have u learned any lessons?

hi all!
today is my rest day.
i haven had a whole day free for quite sometime.. but today.. tis is it!
have been clearing leave and off tids week.
si i took the chance to meet up wit alot of ppl!!
seriously a lot..
hmmm a lot of them being guys i dated in the pass..
and i am happy to catch 2 MOVIES i have really wanted to watch in tis week..
being fantastic 4 and trasformers..
i seriously luv jessica alba and josh duhamel. there are not jus some pretty face. they really have the charm to work it. chris evan is really hot too.. but he is gemini. so i not tt enthu over him..
haha.. i noe i am shallow..
and i got to sing KTV TWICE tis week too!!
wow.. i totally luv it..
i think my singing improve a little more
haha...
and went back to TP and ate at the training restaurant.. the gathering was great..
a total of 26 ex hospi mated turned up
went to visit the lecturers later afer tt..
so talked to a couple of them.. and trust me..
HOW TIME FLIES!!!!!!
other accomplishments tis week includes going to SENTOSA!
gathering wit my ex colleagues from the cafe cause there was a burfdae celebration!
getiing back to camp a couple of times for my damn clearance! almost done man!
ok ok..

lets talk bout the meeting wit 3 ex dates..
actually i would consider 2 of them my partners...
cause i do truely luv them..
and i can assure myself once again t i did truely luv them b4 when i met them again tis week..
reason being... they r happily dating now.. finding someone they luv..
yup nothing to do wit me..
and yes tts precisely the point..
leading a hapy life without me.. it hurts..
i am not jealous.. maybe a little sour..
cause i realy did hope tt the person was me..
its hard to ex[plain the feeling.
i am hapy for them.. but i am definately not hapy for myself..
its not tt i didn;t treausre them..
actuaally for these 2 tt i really luved, i kinda of got dumped by them..
not as drama as one would picture though.. but jus tt cause they kinda of really hate me at a certain point in time and decide to give up on me..
i only have myslef to blame..
but i noe i did leave an impression on them.. they have have shaped and change my live.. i hope i dod make a difernece in theirs too..

My 1st BF. currently dating another scorpio.. a lawyer.. great future ahead.. seems like a great guy.. but i jus felt tt we have qiuite a lot of similarities. cause i met his date wit hiM!! yes.. beliieve it or not.. i actually went dinner wit the both of themm.
i swear i was not thinking when i agreed.. nothing bad actually.. it was damn interesting.. like an episode of drama..
i observe them a lot during dinner.. it remininded me of the past we had..
i knew why he let me go 2 yrs back.. itsbecause i had a foul temper.. its because i am stubbrn.. its because i am too possessive...
but seriously.. do u think tis new guy he is dating going to be any better??
he is a scorpio too!! halo.. these are typical traits of scorpios.. and he is a lawyer.. so i got no doubt on his abilit of "shooting" at ppl wit words la!
BUt after all these bitching.. i seriously hope things will turn up wel for them.. he is a great catch.. i jus hope he will treasure.. its great to c someone u luv being hapy.. but it still hurts inside..

well.. and for my 2nd partner.. he is actually my charming..
yupp reason for breaking up was quarelling due to my childishness.. haha.. i wasn;t tt childish. but he jus have the fact grouded in his head tt i am a child cause i am a lot younger then him. but seriously, i did luv him.. a lot.. cause he did pamper me.. and i could feel he's care for me.. and tt was wat really matter.. and tt was all i choose to remember.. the hapy times and the luv i felt from him..
i didn;t c the guy he was dating now.. but he is oso not very old.. a few yrs older then me.. jus finish his degree..

actually wat i want to say tt they are both dating guys tt have my resemblance..
maybe its not me..
its we ppl.
we r always attracted to the same kinda of ppl.. the same type..
as much as we hate certain things bout them.. like the age, the personality, the character or the way we talk and behave..
sometimes we are atracted to it without knowing it..
and after sometimes.. u start to hate it cause its not exactly wat u luv..
its a vicious cycle until u realise it one day and u start to compromise on the thing u like and luv.. and oso wat u r willing to give in to..
cause every plus points, comes wit a negative one..
tts wat i realise after meeting them..

wat i wan to tell them is.. sorry if i have disappointed u guys in the past... but i did truely luv u 2.. and i was jus being myself.. being true and honest.. but i guess its not wat u really wan.. but then again.. always think carefully bout wat u wan.. cause humans always make the same mistake.. is ur current any diffenrece from ur past? r u commiting the same mistake again??

tts some of the reflections for tis week...


last but not least, one of my dance instructor from studio wu last time passed away..
committed suicide..
its damn depresing..
he is pretty succesful.. in my point of view..
i jus don undersstand why...
he's a scorpio too.. r scorpio's tt myseterious and hard to understnad...
maybe he got lost himself.. maybe he realise he is not being wat he is..
maybe its because of some fatal probelms he is facing in life..
no one noes now..
but everyone is hurt.. terribly upset.. as much as i am not t close to him.. i could feel the grief..
going to pay my respects tomolo..
i hope tt everyone around him will start to heal and be better by moving on. its never easy..
but in cases like tt..
we are never given a choice..
Ishi, i respect u. do bless the ppl tt really luv u. moving is hard, but itsalso the only choice.


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