Ever felt like pushing someone off the Escalator??

I am feeling emo..

and also random..



I have been in good control of my emotions.. but a fairly good time.

i mean, i don show much anger, or sorrow in front of ppl..

and yes, i generally appear, happy and positive..

2 weeks into my new job, and i have felt tt, the physical strain has start pushing my emotional limits too,.



take for example, the feeling of wanting to push someone off the Escalator, when they don keep left, and i am in the rush, is getting stronger..



THe need to hurry, and literally run, to catch the bus and train, pisses me off. ( i use to jus take it easy, and flag a cab when financially, i was sound).



and today, when a customer, complained, i almost wanted to slap. and to refrain myself from doing tt.. i ask my colleague to go handle. which i noe, is very unprofessionall..



then also, when i got a call from my superior.. i got fucking frustrated.. i swear.. cause of some stuff tt was said..



i always tell myself not to get emotional over work, cause it really is not worth it.

and thus i don noe why i am feeling tt way, today..

which sux..

am i putting in too much now, that its is starting to be part of me?

it has consummed me yet again, cause work is like the main topic of my daily conversation..

which again is not a good sign..



and then.. the emo-ing me..

started coming back last nite..



i was fucking hungary after work, cause it was fucking busy. i swear.

instead of dropping by to get supper, i headed home..

at home, i was feeling emo..

and after not drinking for a long time, i pourred myself some whisky..

it felt like, catching up wit a good fren.. again..



tonite after work,, and till now, i am still damn fucking hungary.

but i really have got no mood to eat..

and yes, i am craving for my "best fren".. i mean the alcohol again..

but i am refraining myself from doing tt..

haiz..

ok watever..



lets talk about more random stuff..

i wonder wat most ppl do when they shit..

i always think its a fucking waste of time..

so when i shit at home, i always read the papers..

when i am outside, i start going through my HP...

but to my disappointment, calls, and messages are really rare these days (my phone bill last month was jus 19 bucks). This is indeed a record..

oh, and i have the habit of keeping some messages..
trust me, some messages were like 2 years ago. lolx..

one of the latest msg tt i have kept, was sent all the way from Aussie, a good mate..
and he said this..

"Hey, was just looking at some photos and saw one i took of you. you are a beautiful guy and i miss you."

Seriusly, when i saw this for the 1st time, i was so bloody happy, and keeping it in my phone, and looking at it time to time. also did make me feel good..
wat a true fren i know..
but we are now miles apart. haiz..

oh and then, there was this german guy who i am quite crazily in love wit..
it was his birthday a few days ago, and i sent him some stuff, and also called him.

sad to say, i felt tt we drifted apart..
i believe he has his on life in germany, and i probably don a difference at all..
but when i am down, and need someone, i don noe why, but i often think of him..
haiz.. anyway, i really need to be stronger..

i can literally feel myself.. getting smaller, and older day by day..
thats the pathetic life of mine..



150309, SUN, 0210hrs