The war between my EGO & BRAIN!!

Ok i am going to seriously bitch again!
Last nite was the 3rd date wit the person tt i have been going out wit in aussie.
well he came to my place after the 2nd date but we didn;t really do anything. which i kinda of regret now. cause i thought tt i have should havedone it. DAMN IT!
but anyway, i made it clear to him how i felt and if he is still interested in seeing me then he shal call me.
not me calling again.
and i guess tt oso means the end of our dating relatioship cause i seriously doubt he will ever call again.
hmmm. too much difference in wat we wan i guess. yup he is the guy tt i wan, but guess i am not the guy tt he is looking for.
i was pretty devastated last nite. but then a talk wit 2 of my good frens made me realise something.

Ok. after all those talking and conforting.
its the usual, "I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER!!!"
Yes i noe!
so the question is then, why am i so upset over him?
when i noe tt i can get someone better?
Ok.. some may say cause i am lonely in a faraway land.
so i need more luv and stuff and i get more emo!
yup true to a certain extent but here is the ultimate reason which i realised last nite..

Its my EGO!!
yes the devil in me!
its the fact tt "I CAN"T HAVE SOMETHING I WAN" tt hurts me!
not tt fact tt i like him a lot..
yes he doesn;t like me tt much, so tts an ego bruise for me.
yes i can;t have wat i wan, so tts another ego bruise.

and yes, i think he noes how i feel.
tts why he is playing mind games wit me.
damn it. tts the bad side of dating scorpios.
too much mind games involve!
so now i am trying extremely hard to not let my EGO take over my BRAIN!
THE MIND WARS have started.
if he doesn;t call anymore, then fuck off! I DON BLOODY CARE!

I will be happy dating someone new. damn it.,
Off to the next target.....
U GO GAL!
U R STILL FABULOUS!
I LUV MYSELF!! WAHAHA!!


1451hrs 180807 SAT.