A love story..With no Happily ever after..

1st and foremost.. thanx for the comment for the past 2 posts.. it has been great comfort to me.. u noe who u r,, fag hag...
hahaha..

Anyway.. today i came to tell u guys a story..
hmm... maybe not a story.. but something i have done.. to make my life better... i kinda of stepped out of depression a little already...


Last night.. was with him.. went to watch performance at civic plaza le then we went to NYDC cafe for a drink.. cause he told me he wanted to go but never had the chance, so i brought him there.. chatted for a whille.. then after we finished.. we wanted to shop.. but it was late and there was nothing to shop.. so we took a bus back to his place..

He wanted to wait for the bus wit me.. and so we both sat at the bus stop// then i pluck out all the courage i had and told him honestly how i felt...
everything tt u guys kinda of see in the past few posts...
how i really like him and cared for him but me not getting the response from him..;.
i was upset.. and to end the agony.. i was selfish.. i gave him 2 choice...
1, is to start a proper relationship and we both put in effort in making it work.
2, was to disappoint me by rejecting number 1, and jus carry on as friends if he wans to.

He picked 2...
I broke down inside.. but i expected it.. i didn;t shared a tear in front of him.. but after he made his decision.. he started to cry...
i conforted him and asked him why.. he said he feels tt he is jinxed.. cause his dates never worked out..
but he soon realise its because he didn;t wan then to work out..
he had so much passion in life.. he was young and he wanted to try everything out.. he can't focus, he can't commit.. and most inportantly.. he can't promise..

we both didn't wan the nite to end.. we went from the bus stop to a bench in the park.. we sat there// nothing much to say.. i held him in my arms.. and we jus felt each other's presence.. and hear him breath..

i asked him why did he choose tt option.. he said he was selfish too.. he knew he would disappoint me if we go into a relationship, and in oreder not to disappoint me more in the future, he rather do so now..
well... i have nothing to say...

as time goes by so slowly, i jus wanted time to stop there.. he asked if he could hug me.. i told him he can only if he kisses me.. and we embraced each other for a split second.. but it was so intense i have to look away after tt and pinch my nose.. i didn;t wan my tears to drop down..

we both don noe wat to do anymore.. he wanted to wait wit me for a cab cause theres no more buses... i told him i want to c him home.. safe and sound..

we went to his block and went into the lift..
he stays at the 3rd story but he pressed the 10th story..
as the door closed we hugged.. i never thought lifts travel so fast.. b4 i knew it we reached already.. then we took it all the way down to the 1st story again.. this time i hugged him wit all the strength i have.. knowing it may be my last... as the life door opens, he kissed me for the last time.. one kiss i would remember for life. .

i took a cab home tt nite.. he messaged me don cry.. i told him if i don cry, then my heart will bleed inside cause it hurts so much...
i told him i will no more contact him until he takes the 1st move..
if he is willing to keep me as a friend...
And the very last request was to keep me in his memories always.. cause i will always be there for him whenever he needs me..

Am i stupid?? or am i Brave?? i don noe..
it probably didn;t hurt as much for him.. maybe i was wrong.. he may be equally sad.. but watever it is.. i realised alot alot these past few dayss.. and tt is wat is crucial..

i need a break b4 i continue...

0000hrs, 170407, TUE