I am desperate..
Today.. i feel confused and lost. I wan to drink again.. I feel like i am going to fall deep into somthing terrible again.. ur brain tells u NO... cause its wrong.. but ur heart feels strongly in wanting to do it and it screams YES.. jus do it..
So wat am i to do.. INdulge in more alcohol again?? hoping it will bring me to sleep faster and easier? and hoping tt it will knock me off.. and stop the torture i am giving myself??
Haiz.. Typing on my laptop now.. i feel terribly lucky.. so lucky.. Thanx to mummy.. i get to leave a really fulfilling life although God didn;t make the journey smooth for me..
i am gratefull.. so Grateful no words can describe.. but i am such a failure in expressing my luv For my mum.. all i noe is scream at her when she does the wrong thing.. but not thank her enough when she does it right... i am so selfish.. jus stupid..
i love u mummy...
So much to face now.. i feel lost again.. once again.. i hate this whole process.. of being lost and having to find my way thorugh.. it makes me grow up.// a lot// i age alot everytime i go through tis stuff.. think tt explains my white hair.. ppl ask me do i think alot tts why i got so much white hair?? i seriously think so// but no one believes tt i am really stress about life.. ppl think i leave in a fairytale. how many really understand me?? haiz...
I am struggling whether a not to tell ppl bout tis blog i have. i am afraid i may not be able to type freely like wat i am doin now.. cause i don wan certain ppl to c the different sides of me.. But i am desperate.. desparate to let ppl noe how i feel and wat i am going through.. i really don noe how and why.. what should i do now.. so much to say but so lazy to type now.. i shall continue when i can think better..
lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost Sunshine.. i can hardly shine anymore...
So wat am i to do.. INdulge in more alcohol again?? hoping it will bring me to sleep faster and easier? and hoping tt it will knock me off.. and stop the torture i am giving myself??
Haiz.. Typing on my laptop now.. i feel terribly lucky.. so lucky.. Thanx to mummy.. i get to leave a really fulfilling life although God didn;t make the journey smooth for me..
i am gratefull.. so Grateful no words can describe.. but i am such a failure in expressing my luv For my mum.. all i noe is scream at her when she does the wrong thing.. but not thank her enough when she does it right... i am so selfish.. jus stupid..
i love u mummy...
So much to face now.. i feel lost again.. once again.. i hate this whole process.. of being lost and having to find my way thorugh.. it makes me grow up.// a lot// i age alot everytime i go through tis stuff.. think tt explains my white hair.. ppl ask me do i think alot tts why i got so much white hair?? i seriously think so// but no one believes tt i am really stress about life.. ppl think i leave in a fairytale. how many really understand me?? haiz...
I am struggling whether a not to tell ppl bout tis blog i have. i am afraid i may not be able to type freely like wat i am doin now.. cause i don wan certain ppl to c the different sides of me.. But i am desperate.. desparate to let ppl noe how i feel and wat i am going through.. i really don noe how and why.. what should i do now.. so much to say but so lazy to type now.. i shall continue when i can think better..
lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost Sunshine.. i can hardly shine anymore...
posted by SunShine at 8:03 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Sunshine!
You are forever the sunshine in my heart!Everyone have their lows and ups in life, dun be so pessimistic by any slightest thing tat u might have expereince or more.Everyone needs to learn to grow.The more upset u about things, the less you grow,coz that is more a childish thinking instead!
I am just like you,always unable to express my love for my family members esp my parents who have given me enormous opportunities to do watever i want and many more in life~I am very grateful to them but i seriously have trouble telling them how appreciative i am towards their gestures and more.But am sure,one day,ur mum is able to feel it from within.The day will come~I am very certain of it coz I am in a similar position just like you~
Am very glad tat you are going to UQ soon to pursue sth tat u have always yearn for!You are really one who aims to achieve ur goals! Bravo!!!
I am so honoured and glad to be a reader of your mysterious blog at this moment.Indeed,a blog is sth where u pen those thoughts of urs,be it emotional or happy ones.But its true,once its being revealed to the public,u no longer can blog as freely as you had like it to be....unless u dun mind pple criticizing you or say things behind ur back~
Aiyoz!Ur white hair is nt due to stress la!Its more of bcoz u r smart!haha~tats true~smart pple have more white hair!hahaha~lol~
Cheer up ok!U r always a sunshine~just a dull one at times but forever one!
Misses & kisses
Ling
Hey ling.. thanx for the comment.. didn;t knew u posted one cause i jus didn;t thought anyone would bother to read bout me bitching my life.. but really grateful u did.. maybe u r the one and only person who cares bout wat i typed.. and thanx even more for the encouragement..
I may be succumbing to my dark side soon.. may not be sunshine anymore.. will have to change tt to dark phoenix... will explain why next time..
i was jus too naive to think tt calling myself sunshine will make me a brighter and more positive person.. i was jus cheating myself..
Loves u Ling..
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